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Table of Contents
Section	Page

Start of eBook	1
PREFACE	1
INTRODUCTION	2
The Divine Gift of Humor	2
The Function of Humor	4
Importance of Humor	6
MORE TOASTS	6
ACCIDENTS	7
ACCURACY	8
ACTORS AND ACTRESSES	8
ADVERTISING	9
ADVICE	11
AFTER DINNER SPEECHES	11
AGE	11
AGRICULTURE	13
ALARM CLOCKS	13
ALIBI	13
ALIMONY	13
ALPHABET	13
ALTERNATIVES	14
AMBITION	14
AMERICANS	14
AMUSEMENTS	14
ANCESTRY	14
ANIMALS	15
ANTICIPATION	15
ANTIQUES	15
APARTMENTS	15
APPEARANCES	15
APPETITE	16
APPLAUSE	16
ARITHMETIC	16
ARMIES	17
ART AND ARTISTS	18
ASTRONOMY	19
AUTHORS	19
AUTHORSHIP	22
AUTOMOBILE TOURISTS	22
AUTOMOBILES AND AUTOMOBILING	22
AVIATION	25
BACHELORS	25
BAGGAGE	25
BALDNESS	25
BANKS AND BANKING	26
BAPTISM	27
BAPTISTS	27
BARGAINS	27
BASEBALL	28
BATHS AND BATHING	29
BEAUTY, PERSONAL	29
BEGGING	29
BEQUESTS	30
BETTING	30
BIBLE INTERPRETATION	31
BIGAMY	32
BILLS	32
BLUFFING	33
BOARD OF HEALTH	34
BOARDING HOUSES	34
BOASTING	35
BOLSHEVISM	35
BOOKS AND READING	36
BOOKSELLERS AND BOOKSELLING	37
BOOMERANGS	38
BOOSTING	38
BORROWERS	39
BOSTON	40
BOY SCOUTS	41
BOYS	41
BRIDES	42
BROOKLYN	43
BROTHERHOOD	43
BURBANK	43
BUSINESS	43
BUSINESS ENTERPRISE	44
BUSINESS ETHICS	46
CAMPAIGNS	48
CANDIDATES	48
CANDOR	48
CAPITAL AND LABOR	48
CARD INDEX	48
CARELESSNESS	49
CATALOGING	49
CAUSE AND EFFECT	49
CAUTION	49
CHARACTER	49
CHARITY	50
CHEERFULNESS	50
CHICKEN STEALING	51
CHILD LABOR	52
CHILDREN	52
CHOICES	54
CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS	54
CHRISTMAS GIFTS	55
CHURCH	55
CHURCH ATTENDANCE	56
CHURCH DISCIPLINE	56
CITIZENS	57
CITY AND COUNTRY	57
CIVICS	57
CIVILIZATION	57
CLASS DISTINCTIONS	57
CLEANLINESS	57
CLERGY	58
CLOTHING	59
CLUBS	61
COAL	61
COFFEE	61
COLLECTING OF ACCOUNTS	61
COLLECTION BOX	63
COLLEGE GRADUATES	63
COLLEGE STUDENTS	63
COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES	63
COMMITTEE	63
COMMON SENSE	63
COMMUNISM	64
COMMUTERS	64
COMPARISONS	64
COMPENSATION	65
COMPETITION	65
COMPLIMENTS	65
CONCEIT	66
CONDUCT	66
CONFESSIONS	67
CONFIDENCES	67
CONGRESS	67
CONSCIENCE	68
CONSCRIPTION	68
CONSERVATIVES	69
CONSOLATION	69
CONTENTMENT	69
CONTRIBUTION BOX	69
CONUNDRUMS	71
COOKERY	71
COOKS	71
COOPERATION	71
CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOLS	72
COSMOPOLITANISM	72
COST OF LIVING	72
COUNTRY LIFE	74
COURAGE	75
COURTESY	75
COURTS	75
COURTSHIP	76
CREDIT	77
CRIME	78
CRITICISM	78
CULTURE	79
CURES	79
CURIOSITY	79
CURRENT EVENTS	79
CUSTOM	79
DACHSHUNDS	79
DAMAGES	80
DANCING	80
DAYLIGHT SAVING	80
DEAD BEATS	81
DEBTS	81
DEGREES	82
DEMAGOG	82
DEMOCRACY	82
DENTISTS	82
DEPARTMENT STORES	83
DESTINATION	83
DETECTIVES	84
DETERMINATION	84
DIAGNOSIS	84
DILEMMAS	85
DINING	86
DIPLOMACY	86
DISARMAMENT	87
DISCHARGE	87
DISCIPLINE	87
DISCOUNTS	87
DISCRETION	87
DISPOSITION	88
DISTANCES	88
DIVORCE	88
DOCTORS	89
DOGS	92
DOMESTIC FINANCE	93
DOMESTIC RELATIONS	95
DREAMS	95
DRINKING	96
DRUNKARDS	97
DUTCH	97
DYSPEPSIA	97
EATING	97
BOOK AGENT—“This book will teach you the way to economize.”	98
EDITORS	98
EDUCATION	99
EFFICIENCY	100
EGOTISM	102
EINSTEIN	103
EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS	103
EMPLOYERS AND EMPLOYEES	104
ENEMIES	106
ENGLISH LANGUAGE	106
ENGLISHMEN	108
ENTHUSIASM	108
EPIGRAMS	108
EPITAPHS	109
EQUALITY	109
ETIQUET	109
EUROPEAN WAR	110
EUROPEAN WAR—POEMS	111
EXAGGERATION	114
EXAMINATIONS	115
EXCUSES	115
EXECUTIVE ABILITY	116
EXPENSES	117
EXPERIENCE	117
EXTRAVAGANCE	118
FAILURES	118
FAME	118
FAMILIES	118
FARMING	119
FASHION	120
FATE	121
FAULTS	122
FEES	122
FICTION	122
FIGHTING	123
FINANCE	123
FISH	124
FISHERMEN	124
FISHING	125
FLATTERY	125
FOOD	126
FOOD CONSERVATION	126
FOOLS	127
FORDS	127
FOREIGNERS	129
FORESIGHT	129
FORGETFULNESS	129
FORTUNE HUNTERS	129
FOUNTAIN PENS	130
FRANKLIN	130
FREAKS	130
FREEDOM OF SPEECH	130
FRENCH LANGUAGE	131
FRIENDS	131
FRIENDSHIP	131
FUTURE	132
FUTURE LIFE	132
FUTURIST ART	133
GAMBLING	134
GARAGES	134
GARDENING	134
GAS	134
GENEROSITY	135
GENIUS	135
GEOGRAPHY	135
GERMANY	135
GERMS	136
GIFTS	136
GIRLS	137
GOD	137
GOLF	137
GOSSIP	138
GOVERNMENT OWNERSHIP	139
GRATITUDE	139
GUARANTEES	139
HABIT	139
HADES	141
HAPPINESS	141
HASH	142
HASTE	142
HEAVEN	142
HELL	143
HEREDITY	143
HEROES	143
HIGH COST OF LIVING	144
HINTING	144
HISTORY	144
HOME	145
HOME BREW	145
HOMELINESS	145
HOMESICK	145
HONESTY	146
HORSES	147
HOSPITALITY	147
HOSPITALS	148
HOTEL BIBLES	148
HOTELS	148
HOUSING PROBLEM	150
HUNGER	150
HUNTING	150
HURRY	151
HUSBANDS	151
HYPOCRISY	153
IGNORANCE	153
ILLUSIONS AND HALLUCINATIONS	154
IMITATION	154
IMMIGRANTS	154
IMPUDENCE	154
INCOME TAX	154
INDUSTRY	155
INFANTS	155
INFLUENZA	156
INHERITANCE	156
INITIATIVE	156
INSOMNIA	156
INSTALMENT PLAN	156
INSURANCE, FIRE	157
INSURANCE, LIFE	157
INTERVIEWS	158
INVESTMENTS	158
IRELAND	159
IRISH BULLS	159
IRISHMEN	160
JEWS	162
JOKES	162
JOURNALISM	163
JUDGES	164
JUDGMENT	164
JURY	165
JUSTICE	166
KINDNESS	166
KINGS AND RULERS	167
KISSES	167
KNOWLEDGE	168
LABOR AND CAPITAL	169
LABOR AND LABORING CLASSES	169
LABOR-SAVING DEVICES	169
LADIES	169
LANGUAGES	169
LAUGHTER	170
LAUNDRY	170
LAWS	170
LAWYERS	170
LAZINESS	172
LEAGUE OF NATIONS	173
LEAP YEAR	173
LEGISLATION	174
LEGISLATORS	174
LEISURE	174
LIARS	174
LIBERTY BONDS	175
LIBRARIANS	175
LIBRARIES	177
LIES	177
LIFE	177
OPTIMIST PESSIMIST	177
LISPING	179
LOGIC	179
LONDON	179
LOST AND FOUND	179
LOVE	180
LUCK	181
MAGAZINES	181
MAJORITY	182
MARKSMANSHIP	182
MARRIAGE	182
MASCOTS	188
MATHEMATICS	188
MATRIMONY	188
MEASURING INSTRUMENTS	188
MEDALS	188
MEDICAL ETHICS	188
MEDICINE	189
MEMORY	189
MEN	190
METHODISTS	190
MIDDLEMAN	190
MILITARISM	191
MILITARY DISCIPLINE	191
MILK	193
MILLENNIUM	194
MILLIONAIRES	194
MINISTERS	194
MISERS	194
MISTAKEN IDENTITY	195
MISTAKES	195
MONEY	195
MONEY LENDER	196
MORAL EDUCATION	196
MOSQUITOES	197
MOTHERS	197
MOTHERS’ DAY	197
MOTHERS-IN-LAW	198
MOVING PICTURES	198
MULES	199
MUSHROOMS	200
MUSIC	201
MUSICIANS	201
NAMES, PERSONAL	202
NATIONALITY	204
NATURAL LAWS	204
NEGROES	204
NEIGHBORS	206
NEW JERSEY	206
NEW YORK CITY	206
NEWSBOYS	207
NEWSPAPERS	207
NOTHING	209
OBEDIENCE	209
OBESITY	209
OBITUARIES	209
OCCUPATIONS	210
OCEAN TRAVEL	211
OFFICE BOYS	211
OFFICE-SEEKERS	212
OFFICERS	212
OLD AGE	213
OLD CLOTHES	213
OPPORTUNITY	213
OPTIMISM	213
ORIGINALITY	214
OSTRICH	214
PARENTS	215
PARROTS	216
PARTNERSHIP	216
PEACE	217
PEDESTRIANS	217
PENMANSHIP	218
PEP	218
PERSISTENCE	218
PERSUASION	218
PESSIMISM	219
PHILADELPHIA	220
PHILANTHROPISTS	220
PHILOSOPHY	220
PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS	220
PITTSBURG	220
PLEASURE	220
POETRY	220
POETS	220
POLICE	221
POLITENESS	222
POLITICAL PARTIES	222
POLITICIANS	223
POLITICS	224
POSTAL SERVICE	225
POVERTY	225
PRAISE	226
PRAYERS	226
PREACHING	229
PREJUDICE	230
PREPAREDNESS	230
PRESCRIPTIONS	230
PRETENSION	231
PRICES	231
PRIDE	231
PRINTERS	232
PRISONS	232
PROFANITY	232
PROFESSIONS	233
PROFITEERS	234
PROGRESS	234
PROHIBITION	234
PROMOTERS	236
PROMPTNESS	237
PRONUNCIATION	237
PROPERTY	237
PROPOSALS	237
PROSPERITY	239
PSYCHOLOGICAL MOMENT	239
PSYCHOLOGY	239
PUBLIC, THE	240
PUBLIC SCHOOLS	240
PUBLIC SPEAKERS	240
PUBLISHERS	242
PUNCTUALITY	242
PUNCTUATION	243
PUNISHMENT	243
PUNS	244
PURGATORY	245
QUAKERS	245
QUESTIONS	245
RADICALS	245
RAILROADS	245
READING	247
REAL ESTATE	247
REAL ESTATE AGENTS	247
REALISM	248
RECOMMENDATIONS	248
RECRUITING	249
RED TAPE	249
REGRETS	249
RELATIVES	250
RELIGIONS	250
REMEDIES	250
REMINDERS	251
REPARTEE	251
REPORTING	253
REPUTATION	254
REST CURE	254
RETALIATION	255
ROADS	256
ROOSEVELT, THEODORE	256
RUINS	256
RUMMAGE SALES	257
SACRIFICES	257
SAFETY	257
SALARIES	258
SALESMEN AND SALESMANSHIP	258
SALVATION	259
SAVING	260
SCANDAL	260
SCHOLARSHIP	260
SCHOOLS	260
SCIENTIFIC MANAGEMENT	261
SCOTCH, THE	261
SEASICKNESS	262
SECRETS	263
SELF-MADE MEN	263
SENATE	264
SENATORS	264
SENSE OF HUMOR	264
THREE KINDS OF FOOLS	264
YOUR HEAD MAY BE HARD	265
KEEP YOUR BLOCK INSIDE	265
SENTRIES	265
SERMONS	265
SERVANTS	265
SERVICE	268
SHOPPING	268
SIGHT SEEING	269
SIGNS	269
SILENCE	271
SIMPLIFIED SPELLING	271
SIN	271
SINGERS	272
SKEPTICS	272
SLANG	272
SMILES	272
SMOKING	273
SNOBBERY	273
SOCIALISTS	274
SOCIETY	274
SOCIOLOGY	274
SOLDIERS	274
SOUND	274
SOUVENIRS	274
SPECULATION	274
SPEED	275
SPELLING	275
SPINSTERS	277
STAMMERING	277
STAMPS	277
STATISTICS	278
STENOGRAPHERS	278
STOCK EXCHANGE	279
STRATEGY	279
STREET-CARS	279
STRIKES	280
SUBSTITUTES	280
SUBURBS	281
SUBWAYS	281
SUCCESS	281
SUITORS	283
SUMMER RESORTS	284
SUNDAY	284
SUNDAY SCHOOLS	285
SUPERSTITION	285
SURPRISE	285
SYMPATHY	285
SYNONYMS	285
TACT	286
TALKERS	287
TARDINESS	288
TAX	288
TEACHERS	288
TEACHING	289
TEARS	289
TELEGRAPH	289
TELEPHONE	290
TEMPER	291
TEMPERANCE	291
TEMPTATION	292
TEN COMMANDMENTS	292
THEATER	292
THERMOMETER	293
THIEVES	293
THRIFT	293
TIDES	294
TIME	294
TIPS	295
TRADE	296
TRADE MARKS	296
TRADE UNIONS	296
TRAMPS	296
TRAVELERS	296
TREES	296
TROUBLE	297
TRUTH	297
UMBRELLAS	297
UNEXPECTED	298
UNITED STATES	298
VACATIONS	298
VALUE	298
VANITY	298
VEGETARIANS	298
VENTILATION	299
VOICE	299
VOTING	299
WAGES	299
WAR	300
WEALTH	300
WEATHER	300
WEDDINGS	301
WELSH	302
WESTMINSTER ABBEY	302
WHISKY	302
WIDOWS	302
WINDOWS	303
WISDOM	303
WISHES	303
WITNESSES	303
WIVES	304
WOMAN	306
WOMAN SUFFRAGE	308
WOMAN’S RIGHTS	309
WORK	309
WORRY	311
YOUTH	311
ZONES	311
INDEX	311

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More Toasts from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.