“What is the matter, little girl,” he kindly asked; “are you hurt?”

“No, sir,” responded the child as her sobbing increased in volume, “I lost my nickel!”

“There!  There!” gently returned the kind-hearted citizen, digging into his pocket.  “Don’t cry any more.  Here is your nickel.”

“Why, you wicked man!” exclaimed the little girl, seizing the coin and glaring at the donor with flashing eyes.  “You had it all the time!”

GRAMERCY—­“Why don’t you have your old car repainted?”

PARK—­“Wouldn’t think of such a thing.  It’s been stolen a dozen times and has the finest collection of fingerprints you ever saw.”

A witness in a railroad case at Fort Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said: 

“Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn’t see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole’s hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole’s legs, and then I seen one of Ole’s arms, and then another leg, and then over one side Ole’s head, and I says, ‘My God!  Something muster happen to Ole!’”

Facts are stubborn things.—­Smollett.

See also Witnesses.

EXAGGERATION

A War Lexicon

In a letter to the editor of the New York Sun an anonymous writer gives the following important interpretations of various phrases of “Desperanto,” or the language indulged in by frantic telegraph editors on American newspapers: 

Terrific Slaughter—­Sixteen French and seventeen Germans wounded.

Hurled Back—­The withdrawal of an advanced outpost.

Thousands of Prisoners—­Three German farmers arrested.

Deadly Air Battle—­French aeroplane seen in the distance.

Gigantic Army of Invasion—­Two troops of cavalry on a reconnaissance.

Overwhelming Force—­A sergeant and a detail of twelve men.

Fierce Naval Battle—­Mysterious sounds heard at sea.

Americans Outrageously Maltreated—­One American asked to explain why his trunk contained maps of German roads.

Bottled Up—­A fleet at anchor.

Trapped—­An army in camp.

Rout—­An orderly retreat.

Heroism—­A failure of soldiers to run away in the face of danger.

Decisive Conflict—­A skirmish of outposts.

A man with a look of business on his face came to a hotel-keeper, and asked him if he would buy two carloads of frogs’ legs.

“Two carloads!” said the man in amazement.  “Why, I could not use them in twenty years!”

“Well, will you buy a carload?”

“No.”

“Twenty or thirty bushels?”

“No.”

“Twenty or thirty dozens?”

“No.”

“Two dozen?”

“Yes.”