“Do you keep any servants?”

“No, of course, not.”

“But I thought I saw one in your kitchen?”

“Oh, we have servants on the premises a day or two at a time; but we don’t keep them.”

FIRST MAID (bragging about a party given the day before by her mistress)—­“And they all came in limousines, and had on the grandest clothes, and wore the biggest diamonds.”

NEIGHBOR’S MAID—­“And what did they talk about?”

FIRST MAID—­“Us.”

“I’m afraid I’ll never be able to teach you anything, Maggie,” was the despairing utterance of a Trenton woman to a new Irish domestic.  “Don’t you know that you should always hand me notes and cards on a salver?”

“Sure, mum, I knew,” answered Maggie, “but I didn’t know you did.”

Bridget had been discharged.  Extracting a five-dollar bill from her wage-roll, she threw it to Fido.  Then the shocked mistress heard her exclaim:  “Sure ‘n’ I niver fergit a frind; that’s fer helpin’ me wash the dishes.”

See also Recommendations.

SERVICE

Payment

We pay too much with money, pay
Our debts with gold, and only gold—­
Bestow a purse and turn away,
And think that song is bought and sold. 
A queen paid Shakespeare for his wit,
And thought that was the end of it.

We pay too much with money, deem
A dollar can discharge a debt,
Or buy a dress, or buy a dream,
Perhaps a spray of mignonette. 
The deft designer, what of her? 
And who can pay a gardener?

  We must pay money, and pay more—­
   The sustenance for daily need,
  And then the larger payment for
   The beauty dreamed, the planted seed—­
  With service pay for service, give
  The larger things by which we live.

  Each has his gift and each his art
   That men for others must employ;
  We must contribute each his part
   To make the universal joy—­
  With service pay for service, pay
  Each in his own, his destined, way.

—­Douglas Malloch.

SERVICE STAR

The Gold Star

Little golden service star,
How I wonder who you are. 
Does a sweetheart, or a wife,
Love you, little star of “Life?”
Or a mother, proud but sad,
Who gave all, her only lad? 
When I first beheld you there
You were blue, born with a prayer. 
Golden star and star of blue—­
With one soul God gave to you—­
Do you know how proud we are
Of the golden service star?

  —­Beth Nichols.

SHOPPING

CLERK—­“Now see here little girl, I can’t spend the whole day showing you penny toys.  Do you want the earth with a little red fence around it for a cent?”

LITTLE GIRL—­“Let me see it.”