The young lady said coaxingly:  “Come, Mary, give me a kiss”; but the child hid her face on her uncle’s arm.  The young woman urged the child to come to her, saying again:  “Won’t you give me a kiss?”

The little girl said:  “No, I don’t want to.”  Then she brightened up and said:  “Uncle Fred, you do it.”

“Your honor,” said the prosecuting attorney, “your bull pup has went and chawed up the court Bible.”

“Well,” grumbled the Court, “make the witness kiss the pup; we can’t adjourn court to get a new Bible.”

MR. NEWLYWED—­“Did you sew the button on my coat, darling?”

MRS. NEWLYWED—­“No, love; I couldn’t find the button, and so I just sewed up the buttonhole.”—­Judge.

TOURIST (in village notion-store)—­“Whaddya got in the shape of automobile-tires?”

SALESLADY—­“Funeral wreaths, life-preservers, invalid cushions, and doughnuts.”—­Judge.

SUBURBS

“Pa, what is a suburb, anyhow?”

“A place which has lost the joy of the country and lacks the feverish delight of the city.”

SUBWAYS

“There’s no danger in riding in these subways, is there?”

“I should say so.  The last time I tried them I found myself in
Brooklyn.”

FIRST SUBWAY DIRECTOR—­“We may have to provide more seats.”

SECOND SUBWAY DIRECTOR-"Nonsense!  Simply have ’The Star-Spangled Banner’ played on all cars.”—­Life.

SUCCESS

Success in any line is no more an accident than the ball player’s batting average is a streak of luck.  It is putting the right hits in the right place and keeping the good work up—­it’s head work.

He Must Dig

He wanted a job, and, like every one else,
He wanted a good one, you know;
Where his clothes would not soil and his hands would keep clean,
And the salary must’nt be low. 
He asked for a pen; but they gave him a spade,
And he half turned away with a shrug. 
But he altered his mind, and seizing the spade—­he dug.

He worked with a will that is bound to succeed,
And the months and the years went along. 
The way it was rough and the labor was hard,
But his heart he kept filled with a song. 
Some jeered him and sneered at the task; but he plugged
Just as hard as he ever could plug;
Their words never seemed to disturb him a bit—­as he dug.

  The day came at last when they called for the spade,
    And gave him a pen in its place. 
  The joy of achievement was sweet to his taste,
    And victory shone in his face. 
  We can’t always get what we hope for at first—­
    Success cuts many queer jigs—­
  But one thing is sure, a boy will succeed—­if he digs.

  —­Pleasant Hours.