“Oi won!” he said.

“Yez did thot,” said Pat, “but Oi had high hopes when yer foot slipped.”

BIBLE INTERPRETATION

Senator Simmons was discussing the proposed war-tax on automobile-owners.  “Making war-taxes,” he said, “isn’t pleasant work.  It puts one in the position of the facetious minister at Ocean Grove who took a little girl on his knee, and said: 

“‘I don’t love you, Nellie.’”

All the ladies on the breeze-swept veranda laughed, but little Nellie frowned and said: 

“‘You’ve got to love me.  You’ve got to.’”

“‘Got to?  How so?’” laughed the divine.

“‘Because,’ said Nellie stoutly, ’you’ve got to love them that hate you—­and I hate you, goodness knows!’”

“The Bible tells us we should love our neighbors,” said the good deacon.

“Yes, but the Bible was written before our neighbors lived so close,” replied the mere man.

WILLIE—­“Paw, why is the way of the transgressor hard?”

PAW—­“Because so many people have tramped on it, my son.”

Little Marie was sitting on her grandfather’s knee one day, and after looking at him intently for a time she said: 

“Grandpa, were you in the ark?”

“Certainly not, my dear,” answered the astonished old man.

“Then why weren’t you drowned?”

A bashful curate found the young ladies in the parish too helpful.  At last it became so embarrassing that he left.

Not long afterward—­he met the curate who had succeeded him.

“Well,” he asked, “how do you get on with the ladies?”

“Oh, very well indeed,” said the other.  “There is safety in numbers, you know.”

“Ah!” was the instant reply.  “I only found it in Exodus.”

Bishop Hoss said at a Nashville picnic: 

“The religious knowledge of too many adults resembles, I am afraid, the religious knowledge of little Eve.

“‘So you attend Sunday-school regularly?’ the minister said to little Eve.”

“‘Oh, yes, sir.’”

“‘And you know your Bible?’”

“‘Oh, yes, sir.’”

“‘Could you perhaps tell me something that is in it?’”

“‘I could tell you everything that’s in it.’”

“‘Indeed,’ and the minister smiled.  ‘Do tell me, then.’”

“‘Sister’s beau’s photo is in it,’ said little Eve, promptly, ’and ma’s recipe for vanishin’ cream is in it, and a lock of my hair cut off when I was a baby is in it, and the ticket for pa’s watch is in it.’”

“Bobby, do you know you’ve deliberately broken the eighth commandment by stealing James’s candy?”

“Well, I thought I might as well break the eighth commandment and have the candy as to break the tenth and only ‘covet’ it.”—­Life.

“I thought you were preaching, Uncle Bob,” said the Colonel, to whom the elderly negro had applied for a job.