“It was one of these—­what do you call them?—­one of these long German dogs.”

The Englishman dropped his fork:  his face beamed.  “Frankfurters!”

DAMAGES

The conversation turned to the subject of damage-suits, and this anecdote was recalled by Senator George Sutherland, of Utah.

A man in a Western town was hurt in a railroad accident, and after being confined to his home for several weeks he appeared on the street walking with the aid of crutches.

“Hello, old fellow,” greeted an acquaintance, rushing up to shake his hand.  “I am certainly glad to see you around again.”

“Thanks,” responded the injured one.  “I am glad to be around again.”

“I see you are hanging fast to your crutches,” observed the acquaintance.  “Can’t you do without them?”

“My doctor says I can,” answered the injured party, “but my lawyer says I can’t.”

“I have come here,” said the angry man to the superintendent of the street-car line, “to get justice; justice, sir.  Yesterday, as my wife was getting off one of your cars, the conductor stept on her dress and tore a yard of frilling off the skirt.”

The superintendent remained cool.

“Well, sir,” he said, “I don’t know that we are to blame for that.  What do you expect us to do?  Get her a new dress?”

“No, sir.  I do not intend to let you off so easily as that,” the other man replied gruffly.  He brandished in his right hand a small piece of silk.

“What I propose to have you do,” he said, “is to match this silk.”

DANCING

The minister was dining with the Fullers and he was denouncing the new styles in dancing.  Turning to the daughter of the house, he asked sternly: 

“Do you yourself, Miss Fuller, think the girls who dance these dances are right?”

“They must be,” was the answer, “because I notice the girls who don’t dance them are always left.”

DAYLIGHT SAVING

“Is your husband in favor of daylight saving?”

“I think so.  He stays out so much at night that I think he’d really prefer not to use any daylight at all.”

Young Hopeful, who lives in the suburbs, was very much interested in the adjustment of the time, and on the morning when the clocks had been set back an hour awoke his mother.

“Mother, mother,” he called from his little bed, “listen to Mrs. Jones’ chickens!  They must have forgotten to tell them to set their crow back.”

“Well, yes,” admitted Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., “I’ve heerd something or nuther about setting the clock for’ards or bac’ards for some reason.  I don’t prezisely know what.  But it don’t make no special difference at our house one way or tother for the clock runs about as it pleases till some of us sorter climb up and set it b’guess and b’gosh as you might say.  And if we save or lose an hour or two what’s the odds?  We’ve got all the time there is anyway.”