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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Who was the owner of the Igloo ice cream shop?
(a) Mr. Larson.
(b) Mr. Levine.
(c) Mr. Hall.
(d) Mr. Leggett.

2. What might the archaeologists think about people squeezing rolls of Charmin bathroom tissue?
(a) They worship the white rolls.
(b) They love the white rolls.
(c) They use the white rolls for communication.
(d) They are skeptical of the white rolls.

3. How did the narrator arrive at the correct answer to the equation in front of the Algebra class?
(a) Computation.
(b) Inspiration.
(c) Wild guess.
(d) Cheating.

4. What did the narrator's father do first when he came home from work?
(a) Kissed his wife.
(b) Got a beer.
(c) Took a nap.
(d) Took a shower.

5. What mantra did the narrator develop in class?
(a) I'm not the one you want.
(b) You don't see me.
(c) Don't call on me.
(d) I'm not here.

6. According to the narrator, how do Camper people drive?
(a) Very slowly.
(b) Carelessly.
(c) Sporadically.
(d) Randomly.

7. How did the Igloo finally win the ice cream war?
(a) Started offering sandwiches too.
(b) Added 20 new flavors.
(c) Gave ice cream for free.
(d) Put a cherry on top of everything.

8. What was the name of the corporate-owned ice cream parlor that moved into town?
(a) Mooooore's Ice Cream.
(b) The Happy Cow.
(c) The Big Swirl.
(d) Moovelous Ice Cream.

9. What does the narrator especially appreciate about the catalog?
(a) The prices.
(b) The b&w illustrations.
(c) The chatty captions.
(d) The free shipping.

10. What does the narrator ruminate on as he sits in the tunnel?
(a) The meaning of life.
(b) His crazy relatives.
(c) Politics.
(d) The unknowability of God.

11. How did the narrator manage to escape taking the final Algebra exam?
(a) He transferred to another school.
(b) He solved an equation in front of the class.
(c) He tested out of taking the exam.
(d) He got mono and was in the hospital.

12. What happened to the narrator's middle school diploma?
(a) His name was misspelled.
(b) It was run over by a car.
(c) It blew away.
(d) It was shredded.

13. Why does the narrator find the environmentally conscious bumper stickers on vans ironic?
(a) Vans are big polluters.
(b) Vans are all diesel.
(c) Vans run on ethanol.
(d) Vans are electric.

14. What is one of the "get rich quick" products in the catalog?
(a) Candy cookers.
(b) Mink farms.
(c) Mushroom gardens.
(d) Envelope stuffing.

15. The archaeologists may think that Colonel Sanders is a ________________.
(a) military officer.
(b) shaman.
(c) priest.
(d) guru.

Short Answer Questions

1. How is the Johnson Smith catalog distributed?

2. Why was the narrator always seated at the back of the class?

3. What is sprinkled throughout the catalog?

4. Two words likely to be found on the bumper stickers of vans are love and ____________.

5. What was the title of the article that the narrator wrote for the GM magazine?

(see the answer keys)

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