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This test consists of 5 multiple choice questions, 5 short answer questions, and 10 short essay questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Which appliance does Ellen suggest talking to?
(a) All of these.
(b) Toaster.
(c) TV.
(d) Radio.

2. How was Ellen raised in regard to religion?
(a) As a Christian Scientist.
(b) As a Baptist.
(c) As a believer with a mind.
(d) As an agnostic.

3. What group does Ellen say should always be rescued first off a sinking boat?
(a) Celebrities.
(b) Women.
(c) Children.
(d) Elderly.

4. Who does Ellen's logic make sense to?
(a) Herself.
(b) Her mother.
(c) Her editor.
(d) Nobody.

5. What awards show did Ellen get asked about her advice column?
(a) The Academy Awards.
(b) The Emmy Awards.
(c) The Country Music Awards.
(d) The Tony Awards.

Short Answer Questions

1. What does Ellen say brings out the idiot in people?

2. What does Ellen say celebrities always win?

3. What does Ellen say she always does just after tripping?

4. What was Ellen asked to explain to an alien on her advice column?

5. How many points does Q get in Scrabble?

Short Essay Questions

1. Why does Ellen say most people don't notice when others are being idiotic?

2. What is Ellen's biggest fear?

3. How does Ellen say she would run the Academy Awards?

4. How did Ellen once try to joke her way out of a ticket, and how did it work out?

5. Why is Chapter 13 left blank?

6. What did Ellen say led to talking to one's self?

7. What does Ellen say about taxidermy?

8. Why is Chapter 14 left blank?

9. What are some of the things Ellen says people can do to pass the time on an elevator?

10. What does Ellen say celebrities get when they receive collagen treatments?

(see the answer keys)

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