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This test consists of 5 multiple choice questions, 5 short answer questions, and 10 short essay questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What does Ellen say she thinks God might look like?
(a) A man.
(b) An alien.
(c) An animal.
(d) A bear.

2. What does Ellen say there is no polite way of doing?
(a) Rejecting an advance.
(b) Removing chewing gum from your mouth.
(c) Giving advice.
(d) Side stepping a question.

3. What does Ellen say is the main difference between being a celebrity and being celibate?
(a) Celebrities are happy.
(b) Celebrities are not religious.
(c) Celebrities are never celibate.
(d) Celbrities can have sex.

4. Who does Ellen say she blames when tripping on the sidewalk?
(a) Her entourage.
(b) The sidewalk.
(c) Herself.
(d) Her partner.

5. What does Ellen imagine might happen when she washes out a wound?
(a) Sharks would circle.
(b) She would lose a limb.
(c) She would not notice things behind her.
(d) She would get infected.

Short Answer Questions

1. What is one of Ellen's famous routines about religion?

2. What did Ellen have to describe at the hospital?

3. Who recognized Ellen at the ER?

4. What does Ellen suggest whistling when stuck on an elevator?

5. What does Ellen talk about in Chapter 18?

Short Essay Questions

1. What is Ellen's superstition about her ears?

2. What doss Ellen say about taking gum out of one's mouth?

3. How is the conversation form set up by Ellen?

4. What does Ellen say about taxidermy?

5. What did Ellen think when she saw a woman praying for two hours straight?

6. Why does Ellen say it is silly to make up scary things?

7. What does Ellen say about her hospital gown?

8. Why did the nurses at the ER laugh at Ellen?

9. What does Ellen do with stray animals?

10. How did Ellen once try to joke her way out of a ticket, and how did it work out?

(see the answer keys)

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