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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What does Ellen say her awards show would turn into?
(a) A testimony meeting.
(b) A dance competition.
(c) A race to the podium.
(d) A drinking binge.

2. What does Ellen say would have made her rich in Chapter 25?
(a) Following her mother's advice.
(b) Getting a nickel every time she was an idiot.
(c) Selling her book.
(d) Investing smartly.

3. What does Ellen say she thinks God might look like?
(a) An alien.
(b) A bear.
(c) An animal.
(d) A man.

4. What does Ellen say is the main difference between being a celebrity and being celibate?
(a) Celebrities are never celibate.
(b) Celebrities are not religious.
(c) Celbrities can have sex.
(d) Celebrities are happy.

5. What does Ellen abhor more than anything else?
(a) Feminists.
(b) Killing animals.
(c) Educated fools.
(d) Discrimination.

6. How did Ellen think she sounded when she sung in her head?
(a) Billy Joel.
(b) Sting.
(c) Billy Idol.
(d) Whitney Houston.

7. What does Ellen say the last option was to do when stuck on an elevator?
(a) Sleep.
(b) Sing.
(c) Scream.
(d) Faint.

8. What does Ellen imagine might happen when she washes out a wound?
(a) She would lose a limb.
(b) Sharks would circle.
(c) She would not notice things behind her.
(d) She would get infected.

9. What does Ellen say we should not say when walked in on in the bathroom?
(a) Sorry about that.
(b) What are you doing?
(c) Can I help you?
(d) That's OK.

10. How does Ellen suggest one avoid having friends gossip?
(a) Never do anything gossip worthy.
(b) Dump the friends.
(c) Stay in the room with friends at all times.
(d) Spread new rumors.

11. What kind of testing is Ellen uncomfortable with?
(a) Blood testing.
(b) Drug testing.
(c) Animal testing.
(d) Urinalysis.

12. What does Ellen say should never be put on dolphins?
(a) Glitter.
(b) Hats.
(c) Paint.
(d) Tutus.

13. What does Ellen think was in her house when she wrote this book?
(a) Dust.
(b) Strange spirits.
(c) Old messages.
(d) A ghost.

14. Why was Ellen surprised by the doctor's compliment at the ER?
(a) She had quit water.
(b) She hadn't given a urine sample.
(c) She was crying.
(d) She hadn't had blood drawn.

15. What does Ellen imagine picking up instead of a frisbee?
(a) A rat.
(b) A hat.
(c) A cat.
(d) A bat.

Short Answer Questions

1. What is the Ellie Gellie?

2. What is one of Ellen's famous routines about religion?

3. Where does Ellen imagine playing frisbee?

4. What does Ellen say brings out the idiot in people?

5. What happened when Ellen was trying to get help at the hospital?

(see the answer keys)

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