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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What does Ellen suggest counting when stuck on an elevator?
(a) Carpet fibers.
(b) Seconds.
(c) Buttons.
(d) Arm hairs.

2. What did Ellen have to describe at the hospital?
(a) Her symptoms.
(b) Her insurance.
(c) Her experience.
(d) Her mother.

3. Who does Ellen say she blames when tripping on the sidewalk?
(a) The sidewalk.
(b) Her partner.
(c) Herself.
(d) Her entourage.

4. What kind of testing is Ellen uncomfortable with?
(a) Blood testing.
(b) Urinalysis.
(c) Animal testing.
(d) Drug testing.

5. What did Ellen once joke about having in her trunk?
(a) Drugs.
(b) Immigrants.
(c) Gasoline.
(d) Dead bodies.

6. What does Ellen talk about in Chapter 18?
(a) Singing.
(b) Dancing.
(c) Laughing.
(d) Acting.

7. What sign does Ellen say is not applicable to celebrities?
(a) ID Required.
(b) Cash Only.
(c) No Dogs Allowed.
(d) No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service.

8. What does Ellen say there is no polite way of doing?
(a) Side stepping a question.
(b) Giving advice.
(c) Removing chewing gum from your mouth.
(d) Rejecting an advance.

9. What was Ellen's advice column called?
(a) Ellen Can Help.
(b) Advice by Ellen.
(c) Ask Ellen.
(d) Help Me Ellen, Help, Help Me Ellen.

10. How does Ellen say celebrities are spotted?
(a) The helicopters give them away.
(b) They twinkle.
(c) They put off a scent.
(d) Their entourage gets attention.

11. How does Ellen say never to get out of a ticket?
(a) Joking.
(b) Pleading.
(c) Bribing.
(d) Kissing.

12. What is the minimum number of Ellen's entourage?
(a) 10.
(b) 20.
(c) 15.
(d) 25.

13. Why did Ellen end up in the ER?
(a) She was punched.
(b) She had a cyst.
(c) She fainted.
(d) She had gall stones.

14. What did Ellen create for people to talk to her?
(a) A punch line.
(b) A template.
(c) A contract.
(d) A treatise.

15. What is Chapter 13 about?
(a) Feminism.
(b) Nothing.
(c) Reading.
(d) Acting.

Short Answer Questions

1. How does Ellen suggest one avoid having friends gossip?

2. How many times does Ellen say a celebrity vote is counted?

3. What does Ellen say brings out the idiot in people?

4. When is Ellen most afraid?

5. What does Ellen say we should not say when walked in on in the bathroom?

(see the answer keys)

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