Toaster's Handbook eBook

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Table of Contents
Section	Page

Start of eBook	1
PREFACE	1
ON THE POSSESSION OF A SENSE OF HUMOR	1
TOASTERS, TOASTMASTERS AND TOASTS	7
TOASTER’S HANDBOOK	11
ABOLITION	11
ABSENT-MINDEDNESS	11
ACCIDENTS	11
ACTING	12
ACTORS AND ACTRESSES	13
ADAPTATION	15
ADDRESSES	15
ADVERTISING	15
ADVICE	17
AERONAUTICS	17
AEROPLANES	17
AFTER DINNER SPEECHES	17
AGE	19
AGENTS	20
AGRICULTURE	20
ALARM CLOCKS	21
ALERTNESS	21
ALIBI	21
ALIMONY	21
ALLOWANCES	21
ALTERNATIVES	21
ALTRUISM	21
AMBITION	22
AMERICAN GIRL	22
AMUSEMENTS	23
ANATOMY	23
ANCESTRY	23
ANGER	24
ANNIVERSARIES	24
ANTIDOTES	25
APPEARANCES	25
APPLAUSE	25
ARBITRATION INTERNATIONAL	25
ARITHMETIC	25
ARMIES	26
ARMY RATIONS	27
ART	27
ARTISTS	28
ATHLETES	28
ATTENTION	28
AUTHORS	29
AUTOMOBILES	31
AUTOMOBILING	32
AVIATION	33
AVIATORS	33
BABIES	33
BACCALAUREATE SERMONS	33
BACTERIA	34
BADGES	34
BAGGAGE	34
BALDNESS	35
BANKS AND BANKING	36
BAPTISM	36
BAPTISTS	36
BARGAINS	37
BASEBALL	37
BATHS AND BATHING	37
BAZARS	38
BEARDS	38
BEAUTY, PERSONAL	39
BEDS	40
BEER	40
BEETLES	41
BETTING	41
BIBLE INTERPRETATION	42
BIGAMY	42
BIRTHDAYS	43
BLUFFING	43
BLUNDERS	43
BOASTING	44
BONANZAS	45
BOOKKEEPING	45
BOOKS AND READING	45
BOOKSELLERS AND BOOKSELLING	46
BOOKWORMS	46
BOOMERANGS	46
BORES	46
BORROWERS	46
BOSSES	47
BOSTON	47
BOXING	48
BOYS	48
BREAKFAST FOODS	49
BREATH	49
BREVITY	49
BRIBERY	49
BRIDES	50
BRIDGE WHIST	50
BROOKLYN	50
BRYAN, WILLIAM JENNINGS	50
BUILDINGS	50
BURGLARS	50
BUSINESS	50
BUSINESS ENTERPRISE	51
BUSINESS ETHICS	52
BUSINESS WOMEN	52
CAMPAIGNS	52
CAMPING	52
CANDIDATES	52
CANNING AND PRESERVING	54
CAREFULNESS	54
CARPENTERS	54
CARVING	54
CASTE	54
CATS	55
CAUTION	56
CHAMPAGNE	56
CHARACTER	56
CHARITY	57
CHICAGO	58
CHICKEN STEALING	58
CHILD LABOR	59
CHILDREN	59
CHOICES	60
CHOIRS	60
CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS	60
CHRISTIANS	60
CHRISTMAS GIFTS	61
CHRONOLOGY	61
CHURCH ATTENDANCE	61
CHURCH DISCIPLINE	62
CIRCUS	62
CIVILIZATION	62
CLEANLINESS	63
CLERGY	63
CLIMATE	66
CLOTHING	66
CLUBS	67
COAL DEALERS	67
COEDUCATION	68
COFFEE	68
COINS	68
COLLECTING OF ACCOUNTS	68
COLLECTORS AND COLLECTING	68
COLLEGE GRADUATES	69
COLLEGE STUDENTS	69
COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES	71
COMMON SENSE	71
COMMUTERS	71
COMPARISONS	72
COMPENSATION	73
COMPETITION	73
COMPLIMENTS	73
COMPOSERS	74
COMPROMISES	74
CONFESSIONS	74
CONGRESS	74
CONGRESSMEN	74
CONSCIENCE	75
CONSEQUENCES	76
CONSIDERATION	76
CONSTANCY	76
CONTRIBUTION BOX	76
CONUNDRUMS	77
CONVERSATION	78
COOKERY	78
COOKS	79
CORNETS	79
CORNS	79
CORPULENCE	79
COSMOPOLITANISM	80
COST OF LIVING	80
COUNTRY LIFE	80
COURAGE	80
COURTESY	81
COURTS	82
COURTSHIP	82
COWARDS	84
COWS	84
CRITICISM	85
CRUELTY	85
CUCUMBERS	85
CULTURE	85
CURFEW	85
CURIOSITY	85
CYCLONES	86
DACHSHUNDS	86
DAMAGES	86
DANCING	87
DEAD BEATS	87
DEBTS	87
DEER	88
DEMOCRACY	88
DEMOCRATIC PARTY	88
DENTISTRY	88
DENTISTS	88
DESCRIPTION	88
DESIGN, DECORATIVE	88
DESTINATION	88
DETAILS	89
DETECTIVES	89
DETERMINATION	89
DIAGNOSIS	90
DIET	90
DILEMMAS	90
DINING	91
DIPLOMACY	91
DISCIPLINE	92
DISCOUNTS	92
DISCRETION	92
DISPOSITION	93
DISTANCES	93
DIVORCE	93
DOGS	93
DOMESTIC FINANCE	94
DOMESTIC RELATIONS	95
DRAMA	95
DRAMATIC CRITICISM	95
DRAMATISTS	96
DRESSMAKERS	96
DRINKING	96
DROUGHTS	98
DRUNKARDS	98
DYSPEPSIA	100
ECHOES	100
ECONOMY	100
EDITORS	101
EDUCATION	101
EFFICIENCY	102
EGOTISM	102
ELECTIONS	103
ELECTRICITY	103
EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS	104
EMPLOYERS AND EMPLOYEES	104
ENEMIES	106
ENGLAND	106
ENGLISH LANGUAGE	106
ENGLISHMEN	107
ENTHUSIASM	107
EPITAPHS	107
EPITHETS	109
EQUALITY	109
ERMINE	109
ETHICS	109
EUROPEAN WAR	110
EVIDENCE	111
EXAMINATIONS	111
EXCUSES	114
EXPOSURE	116
EXTORTION	116
EXTRAVAGANCE	116
FAILURES	117
FAITH	117
FAITHFULNESS	117
FAME	118
FAMILIES	118
FAREWELLS	118
FASHION	119
FATE	119
FAULTS	119
FEET	119
FIGHTING	119
FINANCE	121
FINGER-BOWLS	122
FIRE DEPARTMENTS	122
FIRE ESCAPES	122
FIRES	122
FIRST AID IN ILLNESS AND INJURY	122
FISH	123
FISHERMEN	123
FISHING	124
FLATS	124
FLATTERY	125
FLIES	125
FLIRTATION	125
FLOWERS	126
FOOD	126
FOOTBALL	126
FORDS	127
FORECASTING	127
FORESIGHT	127
FORGETFULNESS	127
FORTUNE HUNTERS	127
FOUNTAIN PENS	128
FOURTH OF JULY	128
FREAKS	129
FREE THOUGHT	129
FRENCH LANGUAGE	129
FRESHMEN	129
FRIENDS	129
FRIENDS, SOCIETY OF	129
FRIENDSHIP	129
FUN	130
FUNERALS	130
FUTURE LIFE	130
GARDENING	132
GAS STOVES	132
GENEROSITY	132
GENTLEMEN	133
GERMANS	133
GHOSTS	133
GIFTS	134
GLUTTONY	134
GOLF	135
GOOD FELLOWSHIP	136
GOSSIP	136
GOVERNMENT OWNERSHIP	137
GOVERNORS	137
GRAFT	137
GRATITUDE	138
GREAT BRITAIN	138
GRIEF	139
GUARANTEES	139
GUESTS	139
HABIT	139
HADES	140
HAPPINESS	140
HARNESSING	140
HARVARD UNIVERSITY	140
HASH	141
HASTE	141
HEALTH RESORTS	141
HEARING	141
HEAVEN	141
HEIRLOOMS	142
HELL	142
HEREDITY	142
HEROES	142
	142
HINTING	142
HOME	143
HOMELINESS	143
HOMESTEADS	143
HONESTY	143
HONOR	144
HOPE	144
HORSES	144
HOSPITALITY	145
HOSTS	146
HUNGER	146
HUNTING	146
HURRY	146
HUSBANDS	146
HYBRIDIZATION	148
HYPERBOLE	149
HYPOCRISY	149
IDEALS	149
ILLUSIONS AND HALLUCINATIONS	149
IMAGINATION	150
IMITATION	150
INFANTS	150
INQUISITIVENESS	150
INSANITY	150
INSPIRATIONS	150
INSTALMENT PLAN	150
INSTRUCTIONS	150
INSURANCE, LIFE	151
INSURANCE BLANKS	151
INSURGENTS	151
INTERVIEWS	151
INVITATIONS	151
IRISH BULLS	152
IRISHMEN	154
IRREVERENCE	154
JEWELS	154
JOKES	155
JOURNALISM	156
JUDGES	157
JUDGMENT	158
JURY	158
JUSTICE	158
JUVENILE DELINQUENCY	158
KENTUCKY	158
KINDNESS	158
KINGS AND RULERS	159
KISSES	160
KNOWLEDGE	160
KULTUR	161
LABOR AND LABORING CLASSES	161
LADIES	161
LANDLORDS	161
LANGUAGES	161
LAUGHTER	161
LAW	161
LAWYERS	161
LAZINESS	163
LEAP YEAR	165
LEGISLATORS	165
LIARS	165
LIBERTY	167
LIBRARIANS	167
LIFE	167
LISPING	168
LOST AND FOUND	168
LOVE	168
LOYALTY	169
LUCK	169
MAINE	170
MAKING GOOD	170
MALARIA	170
MARKS(WO)MANSHIP	170
MARRIAGE	170
MARRIAGE FEES	174
MATHEMATICS	174
MATRIMONY	174
MEASURING INSTRUMENTS	174
MEDICAL INSPECTION OF SCHOOLS	175
MEDICINE	175
MEEKNESS	175
MEMORIALS	175
MEMORY	176
MEN	176
MESSAGES	177
METAPHOR	177
MICE	177
MIDDLE CLASSES	178
MILITANTS	178
MILITARY DISCIPLINE	178
MILLINERS	178
MILLIONAIRES	178
MINORITIES	179
MISERS	179
MISSIONARIES	179
MISSIONS	179
MISTAKEN IDENTITY	179
MOLLYCODDLES	180
MONEY	180
MORAL EDUCATION	181
MOSQUITOES	181
MOTHERS	181
MOTHERS-IN-LAW	183
MOTORCYCLES	183
MOUNTAINS	183
MOVING PICTURES	184
MUCK-RAKING	184
MULES	184
MUNICIPAL GOVERNMENT	184
MUSEUMS	184
MUSIC	184
MUSICIANS	185
NAMES, PERSONAL	186
NATIVES	188
NATURE LOVERS	188
NAVIGATION	188
NEATNESS	188
NEGROES	188
NEIGHBORS	190
NEW JERSEY	190
NEW YORK CITY	190
NEWS	191
NEWSPAPERS	191
OBESITY	193
OBITUARIES	193
OBSERVATION	193
OCCUPATIONS	193
OCEAN	194
OFFICE BOYS	194
OFFICE-SEEKERS	194
OLD AGE	195
OLD MASTERS	195
ONIONS	195
OPERA	195
OPPORTUNITY	195
OPTIMISM	195
ORATORS	196
OUTDOOR LIFE	197
PAINTING	197
PAINTINGS	197
PANICS	197
PARENTS	198
PARROTS	199
PARTNERSHIP	199
PASSWORDS	199
PATIENCE	199
PATRIOTISM	200
PENSIONS	201
PESSIMISM	201
PHILADELPHIA	202
PHILANTHROPISTS	202
PHILOSOPHY	202
PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS	202
PICKPOCKETS	204
PINS	204
PITTSBURG	204
PLAY	204
PLEASURE	204
POETRY	205
POETS	205
POLICE	205
POLITENESS	206
POLITICAL PARTIES	206
POLITICIANS	206
POLITICS	207
POVERTY	208
PRAISE	209
PRAYER MEETINGS	209
PRAYERS	209
PREACHING	210
PRESCRIPTIONS	212
PRESENCE OF MIND	212
PRINTERS	213
PRISONS	213
PRODIGALS	213
PROFANITY	213
PROHIBITION	215
PROMOTING	215
PROMOTION	216
PROMPTNESS	216
PRONUNCIATION	216
PROPORTION	216
PROPOSALS	216
PROPRIETY	218
PROTESTANT EPISCOPAL CHURCH	218
PROTESTANTS	218
PROVIDENCE	219
PROVINCIALISM	219
PUBLIC SERVICE CORPORATIONS	220
PUBLIC SPEAKERS	220
PUNISHMENT	221
PUNS	223
QUARRELS	224
QUESTIONS	224
QUOTATIONS	225
RACE PREJUDICES	226
RACE PRIDE	226
RACE SUICIDE	226
RACES	226
RAILROADS	227
RAPID TRANSIT	229
READING	229
REAL ESTATE AGENTS	229
REALISM	229
RECALL	230
RECOMMENDATIONS	230
RECONCILIATIONS	231
REFORMERS	231
REGRETS	231
REHEARSALS	232
RELATIVES	232
RELIGIONS	232
REMEDIES	233
REMINDERS	233
REPARTEE	233
REPORTING	236
REPUBLICAN PARTY	236
REPUTATION	237
RESEMBLANCES	237
RESIGNATION	237
RESPECTABILITY	237
REST CURE	237
RETALIATION	238
REVOLUTIONS	238
REWARDS	238
ROADS	239
ROASTS	239
ROOSEVELT, THEODORE	239
SALARIES	239
SALESMEN AND SALESMANSHIP	240
SALOONS	241
SALVATION	241
SAVING	241
SCANDAL	242
SCHOLARSHIP	242
SCHOOLS	243
SCIENTIFIC MANAGEMENT	243
SCOTCH, THE	243
SEASICKNESS	244
SEASONS	244
SENSE OF HUMOR	245
SENTRIES	245
SERMONS	245
SERVANTS	245
SHOPPING	247
SHYNESS	247
SIGNS	247
SILENCE	248
SIN	248
SINGERS	248
SKATING	249
SKY-SCRAPERS	249
SLEEP	249
SMILES	250
SNEEZING	250
SNOBBERY	251
SNORING	251
SOCIALISTS	251
SOCIETY	251
SOLECISMS	251
SONS	252
SOUVENIRS	252
SPECULATION	252
SPEED	252
SPINSTERS	252
SPITE	253
SPRING	254
STATESMEN	254
STATISTICS	254
STEAK	254
STEAM	254
STEAMSHIPS AND STEAMBOATS	254
STENOGRAPHERS	255
STOCK BROKERS	255
SUBWAYS	256
SUCCESS	257
SUFFRAGETTES	257
	257
SUICIDE	258
SUMMER RESORTS	258
SUNDAY	258
SUNDAY SCHOOLS	259
SUPERSTITION	259
SURPRISE	259
SWIMMERS	259
SYMPATHY	259
SYNONYMS	260
TABLE MANNERS	260
TACT	260
TAFT, WILLIAM HOWARD	260
TALENT	261
TALKERS	261
TARDINESS	262
TARIFF	263
TASTE	263
TEACHERS	263
TEARS	264
TEETH	264
TELEPHONE	264
TEMPER	265
TEMPERANCE	266
TEXAS	266
TEXTS	267
THEATER	267
THIEVES	268
THIN PEOPLE	269
TIDES	271
TIME	271
TIPS	273
TITLES OF HONOR AND NOBILITY	274
TOASTS	274
TOBACCO	274
TOURISTS	274
TRADE UNIONS	274
TRAMPS	275
TRANSMUTATION	275
TRAVELERS	275
TREASON	276
TREES	276
TRIGONOMETRY	276
TROUBLE	277
TRUSTS	277
TRUTH	277
TURKEYS	278
TUTORS	278
UMBRELLAS	278
VALUE	279
VANITY	279
VERSATILITY	279
VOICE	279
WAGES	280
WAITERS	280
WAR	280
WARNINGS	281
WASHINGTON, GEORGE	281
WASPS	281
WASTE	281
WEALTH	282
WEATHER	282
WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES	283
WEDDING PRESENTS	283
WEDDINGS	284
WEIGHTS AND MEASURES	285
WELCOMES	285
WEST, THE	285
WHISKY	285
WHISKY BREATH	286
WIDOWS	286
WIND	286
WINDFALLS	286
WINE	286
WISHES	287
WITNESSES	287
WIVES	288
WOMAN	291
WOMAN SUFFRAGE	292
WOMEN’S CLUBS	293
WORDS	293
WORK	293
WORMS	294
YALE UNIVERSITY	294
YONKERS	294
ZONES	295
INDEX	295

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Toaster's Handbook from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.