“Well,” explained the host meditatively, “them cows don’t seem to know ’nough to come up and be milked theirselves.  The dog, he used to go for ‘em an’ fetch ’em up.”—­Edwin Tarrisse.

Some temptations come to the industrious, but all temptations attack the idle.—­Spurgeon.

LEAP YEAR

A girl looked calmly at a caller one evening and remarked: 

“George, as it is leap year—­”

The caller turned pale.

“As it is leap year,” she continued, “and you’ve been calling regularly now four nights a week for a long, long time, George, I propose—­”

“I’m not in a position to marry on my salary Grace” George interrupted hurriedly.

“I know that, George,” the girl pursued, “and so, as it is leap year, I thought I’d propose that you lay off and give some of the more eligible fellows a chance.”—­L.F.  Clarke.

LEGISLATORS

Thomas B. Reed was one of the Legislative Committee sent to inspect an insane asylum.  There was a dance on the night the committee spent in the investigation, and Mr. Reed took for a partner one of the fair unfortunates to whom he was introduced.

“I don’t remember having seen you here before,” said she; “how long have you been in the asylum?”

“Oh, I only came down yesterday,” said the gentleman, “as one of the Legislative Committee.”

“Of course,” returned the lady; “how stupid I am!  However, I knew you were an inmate or a member of the Legislature the moment I looked at you.  But how was I to know?  It is so difficult to know which.”

LIARS

There are three kinds of liars: 

1.  The man whom others can’t believe.  He is harmless.  Let him alone.

2.  The man who can’t believe others.  He has probably made a careful study of human nature.  If you don’t put him in jail, he will find out that you are a hypocrite.

3.  The man who can’t believe himself.  He is a cautious individual.  Encourage him.

Two Irishmen were working on the roof of a building one day when one made a misstep and fell to the ground.  The other leaned over and called: 

“Are yez dead or alive, Mike?”

“Oi’m alive,” said Mike feebly.

“Sure you’re such a liar Oi don’t know whether to belave yez or not.”

“Well, then, Oi must be dead,” said Mike, “for yez would never dare to call me a liar if Oi wor aloive.”

FATHER (reprovingly)—­“Do you know what happens to liars when they die?”

JOHNNY—­“Yes, sir; they lie still.”

A private, anxious to secure leave of absence, sought his captain with a most convincing tale about a sick wife breaking her heart for his absence.  The officer, familiar with the soldier’s ways, replied: