The Human Encyclopedia glared at him.  “Th’ hincident you speak of, sir, was a hinfamous houtrage!”

FREAKS

See Husbands.

FREE THOUGHT

TOMMY—­“Pop, what is a freethinker?”

POP—­“A freethinker, my son, is any man who isn’t married.”

FRENCH LANGUAGE

“I understand you speak French like a native.”

“No,” replied the student; “I’ve got the grammar and the accent down pretty fine.  But it’s hard to learn the gestures.”

In Paris last summer a southern girl was heard to drawl between the acts of “Chantecler”:  “I think it’s mo’ fun when you don’t understand French.  It sounds mo’ like chickens!”—­Life.

FRESHMEN

See College Students.

FRIENDS

  The Lord gives our relatives,
  Thank God we can choose our friends.

“Father.”

“Well, what is it?”

“It says here, ‘A man is known by the company he keeps.’  Is that so, Father?”

“Yes, yes, yes.”

“Well, Father, if a good man keeps company with a bad man, is the good man bad because he keeps company with the bad man, and is the bad man good because he keeps company with the good man?”—­Punch.

  Here’s champagne to our real friends. 
  And real pain to our sham friends.

    It’s better to make friends fast
    Than to make fast friends.

Some friends are a habit—­some a luxury.

A friend is one who overlooks your virtues and appreciates your faults.

FRIENDS, SOCIETY OF

A visitor to Philadelphia, unfamiliar with the garb of the Society of Friends, was much interested in two demure and placid Quakeresses who took seats directly behind her in the Broad Street Station.  After a few minutes’ silence she was somewhat startled to hear a gentle voice inquire:  “Sister Kate, will thee go to the counter and have a milk punch on me?”—­Carolina Lockhart.

FRIENDSHIP

Friendly may we part and quickly meet again.

  There’s fellowship
  In every sip
  Of friendship’s brew.

May we all travel through the world and sow it thick with friendship.

  Here’s to the four hinges of Friendship—­
  Swearing, Lying, Stealing and Drinking. 
  When you swear, swear by your country;
  When you lie, lie for a pretty woman,
  When you steal, steal away from bad company
  And when you drink, drink with me.

The trouble with having friends is the upkeep.

“Brown volunteered to lend me money.”