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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Which of Mark Twain's family and/or friends died before him?
(a) His wife.
(b) His best friend.
(c) All of the above.
(d) Two of his daughters.

2. What town did Kurt 'black out at high noon?'
(a) West Wood.
(b) Woodstock.
(c) Goodwood.
(d) Woods Hole.

3. What does the Bible say is a good thing to do?
(a) Honor one's ancestors.
(b) Be wrathful to one's enemies.
(c) Beggar thy neighbor.
(d) Read the Bible often.

4. What type of attack is it not possible to survive?
(a) Chemical weapon attack.
(b) Biological weapon attack.
(c) Hydrogen bomb attack.
(d) Terrorist attack.

5. According to Kurt, why to foreigners hate Americans?
(a) For their jazz.
(b) For their liberty.
(c) For their arrogance.
(d) For their money.

6. What is the working title of Kurt's book?
(a) If God Were Alive Today.
(b) Who Is This God Person Anyway?
(c) What Were We Thinking?
(d) More of God's Greatest Mistakes.

7. According to tabloids, how long have alien anthropologists been studying the human race?
(a) Ten generations.
(b) Ten minutes.
(c) Ten centuries.
(d) Ten years.

8. What is a lot less friendly to Kurt now that he is 82?
(a) Radiation.
(b) Gravity.
(c) Pain.
(d) Sunlight.

9. When did Abbie Hoffman die?
(a) 1996.
(b) 1973.
(c) 2001.
(d) 1989.

10. What did Kurt feel like doing to his Uncle Dan?
(a) Nothing.
(b) Thanking him.
(c) Killing him.
(d) Kicking him in the shins.

11. What type of doctor is Kurt's son?
(a) General Practitioner.
(b) Dermatologist.
(c) Pediatrician.
(d) Surgeon.

12. What can the devil cite for his purpose?
(a) Peer-reviewed articles.
(b) Scripture.
(c) Websites.
(d) Encyclopedias.

13. What would Ivan the Terrible nail to your head if you disagreed with him?
(a) Your hands.
(b) A wreathe of poison ivy.
(c) Your hat.
(d) Your own death warrant.

14. Where is Joe from?
(a) New Jersey.
(b) Philidelphia.
(c) Anaheim.
(d) Pittsburg.

15. What is the only proof Kurt needs for the existence of God?
(a) Music.
(b) The singing of birds.
(c) His children.
(d) The sunrise.

Short Answer Questions

1. Who is Kurt's hero?

2. According to Kurt, what occupied country has America become like?

3. According to Kurt, where did napalm come from?

4. What can Kurt not do well now that he is 82?

5. How old was the woman?

(see the answer keys)

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