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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. How tall are the aliens?
(a) Six inches.
(b) Six centimeters.
(c) Six meters.
(d) Six feet.

2. According to Kurt, where did napalm come from?
(a) Harvard.
(b) Mother nature.
(c) The Soviet Union.
(d) Weapons labs.

3. What is all pop music today derived from?
(a) Mozart.
(b) African percussion.
(c) Jazz.
(d) The blues.

4. What was the 'sappy woman' about to have?
(a) A baby.
(b) A party.
(c) Surgery.
(d) A fit.

5. What would Ivan the Terrible nail to your head if you disagreed with him?
(a) Your own death warrant.
(b) A wreathe of poison ivy.
(c) Your hands.
(d) Your hat.

6. Who uttered the most intelligent and decent prayers ever?
(a) Abraham Lincoln.
(b) George Washington.
(c) Richard Nixon.
(d) John Adams.

7. What makes life worth living for Kurt, other than music?
(a) The Bible.
(b) Nature.
(c) Saints.
(d) Sex.

8. What did the Chinese use gunpowder for?
(a) Fireworks.
(b) Bombs.
(c) Mining.
(d) Cannons.

9. How many kids does Kurt have?
(a) Seven.
(b) Ten.
(c) Two.
(d) Three.

10. What did Abbie Hoffman say was the new high?
(a) Lemon rind taken orally.
(b) Orange peels taken intranasally.
(c) Banana peels taken rectally.
(d) Apple skins taken intraveinously.

11. How much younger is Gil than Kurt?
(a) 36 years.
(b) 12 years.
(c) 51 years.
(d) 5 years.

12. What can the devil cite for his purpose?
(a) Scripture.
(b) Websites.
(c) Peer-reviewed articles.
(d) Encyclopedias.

13. What town did Kurt 'black out at high noon?'
(a) Goodwood.
(b) Woodstock.
(c) Woods Hole.
(d) West Wood.

14. Whose line of Democratic tradition does Kurt belong to?
(a) Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
(b) John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
(c) Bill Clinton.
(d) Richard Herbert Nixon.

15. When is Kurt's birthday?
(a) November 11.
(b) November 31.
(c) November 1.
(d) November 21.

Short Answer Questions

1. By what ratio do guessers outnumber non-guessers?

2. How often does Gil have sex?

3. What type of people want to become President?

4. Who was the first to say 'do unto others...?'

5. What could a Saab drag at a stoplight?

(see the answer keys)

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