Chapter 13 Summary and Analysis

Although we may accept the flaws in our friends, it is sometimes more difficult to accept flaws in the married partner we fantasized about in adolescence. Psychologist Israel Charny feels that immaturity is the cause of marital difficulties, and that we must balance love and hate wisely. Because of the romantic version of marriage that we so often see in the movies and hear in songs, marriage does not always meet our romantic expectations. Even when everything is perfect, it is difficult to sustain the peaks of happiness and sexual pleasure in a marriage. However, it is possible to "cross and erase the boundaries that separate self from other, woman from man...," but we often have to settle for connections that are not perfect.

Baggage from childhood puts great pressure on a marriage, and periods of hatred are part of marriage...