Chapter 12 Summary and Analysis

Growing up involves giving up the illusion that friendship is infallible. Perhaps more important than being a friend in times of adversity is being one in times of joy. Some of the competitive, sub-conscious ill wishes we have for friends come from childhood and family experiences. Viorst describes a petty aspect of the personality that, perhaps, not everyone has, which is biting and jealously ambivalent toward our friends. As expected, she addresses the idea that we may have unconscious sexual thoughts toward friends that affect our relationships and are masked as concern, devotion and affection, which is more easily displayed by women to one another than by men.

Viorst contends that there is sexual element in all physical impulses, such as the urge to hug a friend. These feelings do not necessarily indicate homosexual urges. Some people feel we should act...