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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What does the author's mother offer the prostitute that Lisa brings home?
(a) Tea.
(b) Food.
(c) A drink.
(d) Coffee.

2. Where in Oregon is the author going in "C.O.G."?
(a) Odell.
(b) Shreveport.
(c) Portland.
(d) Jackson.

3. Where does the author get an after-school job as a teenager?
(a) A newsstand.
(b) A malt shop.
(c) A cafeteria.
(d) A candy store.

4. What does C.O.G. stand for?
(a) Child of God.
(b) Cousin of Godzilla.
(c) Capable of genocide.
(d) Chunky old geezer.

5. What does David's boss find him doing?
(a) Snorting cocaine.
(b) Replacing money in her purse.
(c) Stealing money from her purse.
(d) Beating up his coworker.

6. Who is the author cast as in the show produced by the visiting actor?
(a) Puck.
(b) Laertes.
(c) Romeo.
(d) One of the players.

7. Where does the author return after his time in Oregon?
(a) New York.
(b) Chicago.
(c) North Carolina.
(d) San Francisco.

8. Who's eighteenth birthday does the narrator's family celebrate four days before Christmas?
(a) Gretchen's.
(b) Lisa's.
(c) His.
(d) Tiffany's.

9. What does the author's mother announce that she has two weeks before Lisa's wedding?
(a) Emphysema.
(b) Diabetes.
(c) An aneurysm.
(d) Lung cancer.

10. Who tells about the little black girl who asked to touch her hair?
(a) The Spanish teacher.
(b) The author's sister.
(c) The author's mother.
(d) The math teacher.

11. What does David figure out that Uta is?
(a) A prostitute.
(b) A man.
(c) A mobster.
(d) A lesbian.

12. What does David make his siblings sign a clause stating?
(a) They will never marry.
(b) They will leave home.
(c) They will mow the lawn.
(d) They will do the dishes.

13. What job does the narrator do at his place of after-school employment?
(a) Chef.
(b) Candy vendor.
(c) Dish washer.
(d) Paperboy.

14. What is the name of the woman who finally hires David to paint her apartment?
(a) Tootie.
(b) Sandra.
(c) Ilsa.
(d) Uta.

15. What does the narrator's mother wish to have done with her remains?
(a) Buried in New York.
(b) Dumped in the ocean.
(c) Buried in a wood box.
(d) Cremated.

Short Answer Questions

1. Who is the first disabled student the author rooms with at Kent State?

2. Who is labeled as an "incomplete quad"?

3. What inspiring visitor comes to the author's school when he is in ninth grade?

4. What does acting bear a striking resemblance to, when done with precision, according to the author?

5. Where are the author and his sister sent to summer camp in "I Like Guys"?

(see the answer keys)

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