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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What excuse does Malison give to Bethany for not going out for a drink with her in "After Malison"?
(a) He has another reading to attend
(b) He is not interested in her
(c) His wife is ill
(d) His wife is about to give birth to their baby

2. Which celebrity does the narrator feel the need to point out to visitors to Santa Land in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Goldie Hawn
(b) Simone from "General Hospital"
(c) Walter Cronkite
(d) Phil Collins

3. Why does Marty have Vicki's cat put to sleep in "Jamboree"?
(a) He hates cats.
(b) He does not think he can love the cat as much as his baby.
(c) He is allergic to cats.
(d) He believes the cat will kill his newborn baby.

4. What game do the narrator and his siblings play during Christmas in "Diary of a Smoker"?
(a) Find a way to get Mom to quit smoking
(b) Find Mom, find Mom's cigarettes
(c) Find the best gift for Mom
(d) Find Mom, find Mom's smile

5. Where did Malison grow up in "After Malison"?
(a) Los Angeles
(b) Rotunda Surf
(c) Chesterton
(d) New York City

6. What does Sedaris think every male reader of "Giantess" longs for?
(a) A woman
(b) Size
(c) Infancy
(d) Punishment

7. According to the narrator of "Santaland Diaries", who is "overall the cutest elf"?
(a) Puff
(b) Snowball
(c) Sleighbell
(d) Crumpet

8. What reason does the narrator of "After Malison" give for smoking in the hotel lobby?
(a) She says she is nervous about meeting Malison.
(b) She says it's too cold to smoke outside.
(c) She says her husband doesn't like her smoking in their room.
(d) She says she is waiting for Malison.

9. Why does the narrator drop out of school in "Jamboree"?
(a) To help his sister raise her son.
(b) He wants to pursue a career in the music industry.
(c) To work in his brother-in-law's business.
(d) He is failing all of his classes.

10. What is Snowball, the elf known for in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Being overly perky with the customers
(b) Getting undressed in the middle of the locker room
(c) Flirting with the other elves and the Santas
(d) Flooding the locker room bathroom

11. Which of the following is NOT a topic of discussion when the narrator works renovating an apartment?
(a) Women
(b) Death
(c) Windows
(d) Art

12. Why does Jocelyn repeatedly yell at Khe Sahn in "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) She despises Khe Sahn.
(b) She is always angry at Khe Sahn.
(c) She believes it will help her understand English better.
(d) She believes Khe Sahn is hard of hearing.

13. What is the title of the magazine the narrator's sister gives him in "Giantess"?
(a) Giantess
(b) Knocked Up and Gun Toting
(c) Trample and Crush
(d) Guns for Women

14. What frightens the narrator most about his job as an elf in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Working the cash register
(b) Clocking in on one of the store's computers
(c) Wearing an elf costume
(d) Having a child throw up on him

15. What is the "Oh My God, Corner" in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) The spot in Macy's where most children vomit.
(b) The spot in Macy's where people notice the beautiful Christmas decorations.
(c) The spot in Macy's where people realize how long the line to see Santa is.
(d) The spot in Macy's where the narrator likes to stand while working as an elf.

Short Answer Questions

1. What does Malison name each of the characters in his second novel in "After Malison"?

2. Which of the following is NOT a behavior exhibited by parents in the photo area in "Santaland Diaries"?

3. Who is Lonnie Tipit in "Season's Greetings..."?

4. Who does Vicki end up marrying in "Jamboree"?

5. Why does Vicki drop out of high school in "Jamboree"?

(see the answer keys)

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