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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Why does the narrator of "Diary of a Smoker" schedule a doctor's appointment?
(a) He wants to quit smoking.
(b) His insurance is about to expire.
(c) He is having health issues.
(d) He wants cosmetic surgery.

2. What excuse does Malison give to Bethany for not going out for a drink with her in "After Malison"?
(a) His wife is ill
(b) He has another reading to attend
(c) He is not interested in her
(d) His wife is about to give birth to their baby

3. Which of the following is NOT a behavior exhibited by parents in the photo area in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Ordering their children where to look during pictures
(b) Yelling at their children
(c) Grooming of their children
(d) Posing their children for pictures

4. What is the title of the magazine the narrator's sister gives him in "Giantess"?
(a) Giantess
(b) Knocked Up and Gun Toting
(c) Trample and Crush
(d) Guns for Women

5. What is Snowball, the elf known for in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Being overly perky with the customers
(b) Getting undressed in the middle of the locker room
(c) Flirting with the other elves and the Santas
(d) Flooding the locker room bathroom

6. What happens to the curtains of Marilyn Notkin's apartment in "Giantess"?
(a) The narrator sets them on fire with a heat gun.
(b) The narrator tears them down because he thinks they are ugly.
(c) They are damaged by a squirrel.
(d) They are damaged by a giantess.

7. What does the narrator of "Diary of A Smoker" say is a "sure sign of trouble"?
(a) Coffee
(b) Someone sitting next to you on a park bench
(c) Sandals
(d) Cigarettes

8. How does the author's bedroom differ from the rest of his childhood home in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) It has no furniture in it.
(b) It is extremely clean.
(c) It is filled with moving boxes.
(d) It is filthy.

9. What reason does the narrator of "After Malison" give for smoking in the hotel lobby?
(a) She says she is waiting for Malison.
(b) She says she is nervous about meeting Malison.
(c) She says her husband doesn't like her smoking in their room.
(d) She says it's too cold to smoke outside.

10. Why does Vicki drop out of high school in "Jamboree"?
(a) She says she didn't like having to attend school during the day.
(b) She was failing all of her classes.
(c) She was offered a recording contract.
(d) She wanted to annoy her father.

11. What does the author pretend he has won in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) A Nobel Prize
(b) The lottery
(c) Emmy awards
(d) An Academy Award

12. What does the narrator change his elf name to when he has bad days at work in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
(b) Grumpy
(c) Troll
(d) Blisters

13. What does Sedaris think every male reader of "Giantess" longs for?
(a) Punishment
(b) A woman
(c) Size
(d) Infancy

14. Who are the readers of "Giantess" magazine?
(a) People who want tips for becoming giantesses
(b) People who want tips for slaying giantesses
(c) People who secretly want to be giants
(d) People who love erotic stories about large women

15. Which of the following is NOT a topic of discussion when the narrator works renovating an apartment?
(a) Women
(b) Art
(c) Windows
(d) Death

Short Answer Questions

1. Why is the author uncomfortable washing the blinds in the bathroom with G.L. in "The Curly Kind"?

2. Which of the following is NOT a suggestion the editor of Giantess magazine gives the narrator in "Giantess"?

3. What does Khe Sahn wear to Thanksgiving dinner in "Season's Greetings..."?

4. What reason does the author give for wanting to work at UPS in "Santaland Diaries"?

5. Where is the camera located in Santa Land in "Santaland Diaries"?

(see the answer keys)

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