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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Why does Marty have Vicki's cat put to sleep in "Jamboree"?
(a) He hates cats.
(b) He believes the cat will kill his newborn baby.
(c) He is allergic to cats.
(d) He does not think he can love the cat as much as his baby.

2. What does Sedaris notice happens to the giantess characters in the stories as they grow in "Giantess"?
(a) They become sexually distant.
(b) They become moody and aggressive.
(c) They become gentle and docile.
(d) They like small men even better.

3. Where is the camera located in Santa Land in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) In the fireplace
(b) In Santa's hat
(c) In the elf's hat
(d) In the Magic Star

4. What does the narrator notice about all of the people hired as elves in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) They are all 18-25 years old.
(b) They are all unemployed actors.
(c) They are all short.
(d) They are all Caucasian.

5. What was Clifford's "second biggest mistake of his life" according to his wife in "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) His affair with a Vietnamese woman
(b) His marriage to Jocelyn Dunbar
(c) The birth of their son, Kevin
(d) His marriage to Doll Babcock

6. Why is the narrator of "After Malison" desperate to talk with Malison one-on-one?
(a) She wants him to read her new novel.
(b) She is in love with him.
(c) She believes she understands his work in a way others do not.
(d) She is trying to keep him away from her friend Bethany.

7. What does the narrator of "Diary of A Smoker" say is a "sure sign of trouble"?
(a) Coffee
(b) Cigarettes
(c) Someone sitting next to you on a park bench
(d) Sandals

8. What happens to the curtains of Marilyn Notkin's apartment in "Giantess"?
(a) The narrator sets them on fire with a heat gun.
(b) They are damaged by a squirrel.
(c) They are damaged by a giantess.
(d) The narrator tears them down because he thinks they are ugly.

9. What reason does the narrator of "After Malison" give for smoking in the hotel lobby?
(a) She says it's too cold to smoke outside.
(b) She says she is nervous about meeting Malison.
(c) She says her husband doesn't like her smoking in their room.
(d) She says she is waiting for Malison.

10. What do the author and another elf realize about the name 'Santa' in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) It sounds like 'Satan'.
(b) It is said by visitors at least 2 million times a day.
(c) It has two 'a's in it.
(d) It is an anagram of 'Satan'.

11. What does the author pretend he has won in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) An Academy Award
(b) The lottery
(c) Emmy awards
(d) A Nobel Prize

12. In "Season's Greetings", what television show does Khe Sahn learn most of her English from?
(a) MTV Cribs
(b) Sesame Street
(c) One Life to Live
(d) American Idol

13. Who is Timothy Speaks in "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) Jocelyn's brother
(b) Jackelyn's husband
(c) Clifford's illegitimate son
(d) Jocelyn's boyfriend

14. Who is the narrator of "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) Clifford Dunbar
(b) Jocelyn Dunbar
(c) Jacki Dunbar
(d) Khe Shan Dunbar

15. What job did Sedaris hope to get on "One Life to Live" in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Makeup artist
(b) Actor
(c) Writer
(d) Director

Short Answer Questions

1. Who was Lena Payne in "The Curly Kind"?

2. Why does Vicki drop out of high school in "Jamboree"?

3. Who is the narrator in "After Malison"?

4. Why does Jocelyn repeatedly yell at Khe Sahn in "Season's Greetings..."?

5. According to Jocelyn Dunbar in "Season's Greetings...", who is the most intelligent of her children"

(see the answer keys)

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