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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What is the author's elf name in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Usher
(b) Crumpet
(c) Sleighbell
(d) Walrus

2. Who is Cassandra Lane in "After Malison"?
(a) Malison's current girlfriend
(b) A woman in the audience at Malison's reading
(c) Malison's former girlfriend
(d) The narrator's friend from New York City

3. Who is Lonnie Tipit in "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) A Vietnamese interpreter
(b) Khe Sahn's uncle
(c) A teacher at the Dunbar children's school
(d) One of the Dunbars' neighbors

4. Why is the narrator of "After Malison" desperate to talk with Malison one-on-one?
(a) She is trying to keep him away from her friend Bethany.
(b) She believes she understands his work in a way others do not.
(c) She wants him to read her new novel.
(d) She is in love with him.

5. What is the author's opinion of his mother's housekeeper's skills in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) He believes she spends too much time vacuuming.
(b) He believes she is the most skilled housekeeper he has ever seen.
(c) He believes she is a lazy, incompetent housekeeper.
(d) He is ambivalent towards her.

6. How does the author's bedroom differ from the rest of his childhood home in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) It is extremely clean.
(b) It has no furniture in it.
(c) It is filled with moving boxes.
(d) It is filthy.

7. What excuse does Malison give to Bethany for not going out for a drink with her in "After Malison"?
(a) His wife is ill
(b) His wife is about to give birth to their baby
(c) He is not interested in her
(d) He has another reading to attend

8. What does the narrator of "Diary of A Smoker" say is a "sure sign of trouble"?
(a) Someone sitting next to you on a park bench
(b) Sandals
(c) Cigarettes
(d) Coffee

9. Which of the following was NOT in the file drawer labeled "POISON" in "Barrel Fever"?
(a) Adolph Hitler's book
(b) Cruel letters from Dolph to his mother
(c) New Year's resolutions written on index cards
(d) Mean letters to the narrator and his siblings

10. According to the narrator of "Santaland Diaries", who is "overall the cutest elf"?
(a) Crumpet
(b) Sleighbell
(c) Snowball
(d) Puff

11. Why does the narrator's father refuse to see his grandson in "Jamboree"?
(a) He dislikes his son-in-law.
(b) He believes he is too young to be a grandfather.
(c) He is upset his daughter didn't invite him to her wedding.
(d) He does not want to be around his son.

12. Why does the boy in the elevator refuse the Cheetos in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) They are stale.
(b) They were crushed.
(c) He wanted potato chips.
(d) They are not the curly kind.

13. Who does Sedaris impersonate singing "Away in the Manger" while working with Santa Santa in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Etta James
(b) Billie Holiday
(c) Bob Hope
(d) Santa Santa

14. What is the only unique thing about people according to the narrator in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Our interests
(b) Our fingerprints
(c) Our DNA
(d) Our minds

15. What is Snowball, the elf known for in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Being overly perky with the customers
(b) Flirting with the other elves and the Santas
(c) Flooding the locker room bathroom
(d) Getting undressed in the middle of the locker room

Short Answer Questions

1. What reason does the narrator of "After Malison" give for smoking in the hotel lobby?

2. Why did Vicki quit chorus during her sophomore year of high school in "Jamboree"?

3. Who is Timothy Speaks in "Season's Greetings..."?

4. What frightens the narrator most about his job as an elf in "Santaland Diaries"?

5. Why does Vicki lose her job dispatching buses in "Jamboree"?

(see the answer keys)

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