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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Where is the camera located in Santa Land in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) In the Magic Star
(b) In the elf's hat
(c) In Santa's hat
(d) In the fireplace

2. Who was Lena Payne in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) A nanny in the author's apartment complex
(b) The author's childhood housekeeper
(c) A maid in the author's apartment complex
(d) The author's mother

3. What was Clifford's "second biggest mistake of his life" according to his wife in "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) His marriage to Doll Babcock
(b) The birth of their son, Kevin
(c) His affair with a Vietnamese woman
(d) His marriage to Jocelyn Dunbar

4. Which of the following was NOT in the file drawer labeled "POISON" in "Barrel Fever"?
(a) New Year's resolutions written on index cards
(b) Adolph Hitler's book
(c) Mean letters to the narrator and his siblings
(d) Cruel letters from Dolph to his mother

5. In "Season's Greetings", what television show does Khe Sahn learn most of her English from?
(a) Sesame Street
(b) American Idol
(c) MTV Cribs
(d) One Life to Live

6. Why is the narrator of "Jamboree" staying with his sister?
(a) He is protecting his sister.
(b) He is looking for a new apartment.
(c) His father threw him out.
(d) He cannot afford to rent his own apartment.

7. What is the "Oh My God, Corner" in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) The spot in Macy's where the narrator likes to stand while working as an elf.
(b) The spot in Macy's where people realize how long the line to see Santa is.
(c) The spot in Macy's where people notice the beautiful Christmas decorations.
(d) The spot in Macy's where most children vomit.

8. What is the last sight visitors see before going into Santa's house in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) The Magic Tree
(b) The maze
(c) The Sportswear Department
(d) The China Department

9. Why is the author uncomfortable washing the blinds in the bathroom with G.L. in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) G.L. is watching television.
(b) G.L. is naked.
(c) The bathroom is extremely small.
(d) The cleaning chemicals will make G.L. sick.

10. What does Lena offer the author as a gift in "The Curly Kind"?
(a) A vacuum cleaner
(b) Nothing
(c) A magazine
(d) A chicken

11. Who is the narrator in "After Malison"?
(a) Malison
(b) Bethany
(c) Professor Brouner
(d) Anastasia

12. What do the siblings find in sealed boxes after their mother dies in "Barrel Fever"?
(a) Memories of their childhood
(b) All of the gifts they sent her over the years
(c) Books
(d) Their mother's secret letter collection

13. What does the narrator of "Diary of A Smoker" say is a "sure sign of trouble"?
(a) Someone sitting next to you on a park bench
(b) Coffee
(c) Cigarettes
(d) Sandals

14. Why does the narrator of "After Malison" agree to let the old man sit at her table at the hotel bar?
(a) She wants to get him to buy her a drink.
(b) She believes he is Malison.
(c) She wants to study him for a piece of writing she is working on.
(d) She feels sorry for him.

15. What does the old man say to the narrator that makes her vomit in "After Malison"?
(a) Malison is a fraud.
(b) There are many unique,complex people in the world.
(c) Writing is a fool's profession.
(d) Everyone is transparent.

Short Answer Questions

1. Who are the readers of "Giantess" magazine?

2. How does the author's bedroom differ from the rest of his childhood home in "The Curly Kind"?

3. What does Khe Sahn wear to Thanksgiving dinner in "Season's Greetings..."?

4. According to the narrator of "Santaland Diaries", who is "overall the cutest elf"?

5. Where does a mother instruct her son to pee in "Santaland Diaries"?

(see the answer keys)

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