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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. Which of the following is NOT a suggestion the editor of Giantess magazine gives the narrator in "Giantess"?
(a) Stop writing silly stories
(b) Focus his writing on extremely large women
(c) Focus his stories on the destruction caused by giantesses
(d) Get straight to the turn-on in his writing

2. Who is Timothy Speaks in "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) Jackelyn's husband
(b) Jocelyn's brother
(c) Clifford's illegitimate son
(d) Jocelyn's boyfriend

3. Who are the "really bitter elves" according to the author in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Want-to-be actors and actresses
(b) Those who worked in high power jobs before the recession
(c) Those who have to work with "Santa Santa"
(d) College students

4. Why does the narrator of "After Malison" agree to let the old man sit at her table at the hotel bar?
(a) She wants to study him for a piece of writing she is working on.
(b) She believes he is Malison.
(c) She wants to get him to buy her a drink.
(d) She feels sorry for him.

5. Who is the narrator in "After Malison"?
(a) Bethany
(b) Professor Brouner
(c) Malison
(d) Anastasia

6. What frightens the narrator most about his job as an elf in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) Working the cash register
(b) Clocking in on one of the store's computers
(c) Having a child throw up on him
(d) Wearing an elf costume

7. Why is the narrator of "Jamboree" staying with his sister?
(a) He is protecting his sister.
(b) His father threw him out.
(c) He is looking for a new apartment.
(d) He cannot afford to rent his own apartment.

8. Why does Vicki drop out of high school in "Jamboree"?
(a) She was failing all of her classes.
(b) She says she didn't like having to attend school during the day.
(c) She was offered a recording contract.
(d) She wanted to annoy her father.

9. Which of the following is NOT a topic of discussion when the narrator works renovating an apartment?
(a) Art
(b) Women
(c) Windows
(d) Death

10. What genre is "Season's Greetings to Our Friends and Family"?
(a) A letter
(b) A poem
(c) A speech
(d) A short story

11. How does Malison react when he discovers the master's writing class is reading O'Flannery in "After Malison"?
(a) With disgust
(b) With admiration
(c) With confusion
(d) With condescension

12. According to the narrator of "Santaland Diaries", who is "overall the cutest elf"?
(a) Puff
(b) Sleighbell
(c) Crumpet
(d) Snowball

13. Why does Jocelyn repeatedly yell at Khe Sahn in "Season's Greetings..."?
(a) She despises Khe Sahn.
(b) She is always angry at Khe Sahn.
(c) She believes it will help her understand English better.
(d) She believes Khe Sahn is hard of hearing.

14. What is the "Oh My God, Corner" in "Santaland Diaries"?
(a) The spot in Macy's where people realize how long the line to see Santa is.
(b) The spot in Macy's where the narrator likes to stand while working as an elf.
(c) The spot in Macy's where people notice the beautiful Christmas decorations.
(d) The spot in Macy's where most children vomit.

15. Which of the following was NOT in the file drawer labeled "POISON" in "Barrel Fever"?
(a) New Year's resolutions written on index cards
(b) Mean letters to the narrator and his siblings
(c) Adolph Hitler's book
(d) Cruel letters from Dolph to his mother

Short Answer Questions

1. Where is Mrs. Dunbar, supposedly, when Don is killed in "Season's Greetings..."?

2. Which celebrity does the narrator feel the need to point out to visitors to Santa Land in "Santaland Diaries"?

3. What does the narrator of "Diary of A Smoker" say is a "sure sign of trouble"?

4. What do the author and another elf realize about the name 'Santa' in "Santaland Diaries"?

5. What does the narrator notice about all of the people hired as elves in "Santaland Diaries"?

(see the answer keys)

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