"I didn't ask to be a celebrity. I never wanted to appear on The Adrian Lush Show" (Chapter 1, pg. 1.)

"You see, Shakespeare never wrote on lined paper with a ballpoint, and even if he did, I doubt he would have had Cardenio seeking Lucinda in the Sierra Morena mountains driving an open-top Range Rover whilst playing 'It's the Same Old Song' by the Four Tops" (Chapter 3, pg. 36.)

"Someone manipulated events to try and bump me off with a stray SpecOps bullet - maybe that was their idea of a joke. If it hadn't been for Dad taking me out I'd be playing a harp by now" (Chapter 4a, pg. 64.)

"'Well,' I began, 'we found Cardenio, I was shot dead by an SO-14 marksman, became a vanishing hitchhiker, saw Yorrick Kaine, suffered a few too many coincidences and knocked a Neanderthal unconscious"' (Chapter 6, pg. 76.)

"He didn't turn...