"I you're listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday" (Chapter 1, p. 10).

"It's not easy finding a place to stash a griffin, especially when he's pulling a boat" (Chapter 3, p. 32).

"Honestly, he drones on and on about his plans for the Apocalypse, but he makes no plans at all for the school dance. My brother's priorities are severely skewed" (Chapter 5, p. 60).

"He threw glowing hieroglyphs like granades, causing iridescent explosions all around him" (Chapter 7, p. 87).

"I'd become quite an expert at visiting the godly nursing home—which was a sad statement on my life" (Chapter 9, p. 110).

"Sadie and Walt go off looking for a friendly shadow, while Zia and I escort a psychotic murderous ghost to his heavily trapped stash of forbidden magic. Gee, who got the better end of that deal" (Chapter 11, p. 143).

"Being surprised by a giant crocodile in the Nile is something you usually want...