Chapter 4 Summary and Analysis

The chapter begins by discussing an exchange of fantasies between two partners. As Josh, the dominant, describes details of possible SM procedures, Cheryl's reactions guide his words, allowing him to know which ideas excite her. The authors note the importance of this exchange, called negotiation, since an understanding of expectations and limitations is vital for SM.

In order to ensure compatibility, the authors discuss ideal candidates for the dominant and submissive roles. The ideal dominant controls his or her own behaviors, acts as both a lover and a friend, worships his or her submissive and uses pain not to harm, but to enhance sexual pleasure. He or she uses research to ensure safe toys and practices so as to provide a safe experience. The ideal dominant is patient, never demanding, confident, secure and accepting of limitations. On the other hand, the...