Grief

The memoir explores grief as both an emotional experience and a problem of legitimacy. The memoir’s title itself signals a central concern: whose grief is valid, and what losses are considered grievable. Crosley’s mourning for her friend Russell is complicated by the sense that, because he was not her partner or relative, her grief does not “count.” At the same time, she experiences an overwhelming sense of loss that finds its earliest and most visible expression in the burglary of her home. The theft of her jewelry becomes the initial container for emotions she cannot yet direct toward Russell’s suicide. This displacement allows her to grieve in a way that feels more containable, even as the intensity of her response to the stolen items is already excessive by ordinary standards.

The connection between the burglary and Russell’s death is not metaphorical but structural. The...