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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What is the one topic the narrator says is the only thing to which his father can "sink his teeth?"
(a) The news.
(b) The New Jersey Turnpike.
(c) The theater.
(d) Life insurance.

2. What does the narrator say is "very funny on the stage--but not to live it"?
(a) Life.
(b) Pain.
(c) The macabre.
(d) The parents.

3. What does the narrator say doesn't grow on trees in Chapter 4?
(a) Inhibition.
(b) Dedication.
(c) Love.
(d) Faith.

4. Who does the narrator now work for in Chapter 4, Part 2?
(a) The Police Commissioner.
(b) The New York Bar Association.
(c) The Mayor.
(d) The DA's office.

5. What is the name of the narrator's oldest brother?
(a) Horace.
(b) Hymie.
(c) John.
(d) Agnew.

6. What do the neighborhood women play with the narrator's mother?
(a) Trivial Pursuit.
(b) Bingo.
(c) Mah-jongg.
(d) Poker.

7. What does the narrator keep hidden in the basement for the purpose of pleasuring himself?
(a) A jacket.
(b) A milk bottle.
(c) An apple.
(d) A baseball glove.

8. What is the narrator's name?
(a) Andrew Portnoy.
(b) Jack Portnoy.
(c) Alexander Portnoy.
(d) Augustine Portnoy.

9. What is the narrator's cousin's name who lives in Newark?
(a) Harold.
(b) Horace.
(c) Humphry.
(d) William.

10. What non-kosher food does the narrator have for dinner while out with his sister?
(a) Catfish.
(b) Lobster.
(c) Snails.
(d) Oysters.

11. Who tells the narrator, "They worship a Jew, do you know that?"
(a) His sister.
(b) His father.
(c) His mother.
(d) Morty.

12. What is the name of the cleaning woman who works for the narrator's family?
(a) Hannah.
(b) Mary.
(c) Dorothy.
(d) Esther.

13. What does the narrator use like it "grows in trees" according to his father?
(a) Gasoline.
(b) Toilet paper.
(c) Money.
(d) Newspapers.

14. Who does the narrator describe as "The Most Unforgettable Character I've Met?"
(a) His mother.
(b) His wife.
(c) His father.
(d) His first-grade teacher.

15. What do the narrator's parents complain about when they come visit him at his apartment?
(a) His hair.
(b) His job.
(c) His rug.
(d) His couch.

Short Answer Questions

1. What is the name of the company for whom the narrator's father works?

2. What was the narrator's mother called in high school?

3. How does the narrator's mother say that Melvin Weiner gave himself colitis?

4. What is the name of the narrator's father?

5. What is the name of the Company President whose picture hangs in the protagonist's family's hallway?

(see the answer keys)

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