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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What does the patrolman say has the potential to end crime, war, divorce, child abuse, and several other social ills?
(a) Chemicals.
(b) Religion.
(c) Psychology.
(d) Extraterrestrial beings.

2. In a note, what does the garbage collector, Lazlo Szombathy, claim he knew how to do?
(a) Play golf.
(b) Bring about world peace.
(c) Cure cancer.
(d) Speak Japanese.

3. What causes the Holy Grail to disappear in the narrator's play?
(a) The black knight steals it.
(b) Christ appears to the maiden and claims it as his rightful possession.
(c) The maiden and the knight have impure thoughts.
(d) The maiden secretly hides it in the Ark of the Covenant.

4. After his conversation with Eichmann, what does the narrator decide is not such a good defense after all?
(a) He didn't know people were actually dying as a result of his work.
(b) All is fair in love and war.
(c) He was just a soldier following orders.
(d) He had been completely brainwashed by the German government.

5. What does Wirtanen think the Russians would do to get the narrator to cooperate?
(a) Threaten to kill Resi.
(b) Threaten to nuke the U.S.
(c) Threaten to kill him.
(d) Torture him.

6. What "gift" does Frank Wirtanen say that the narrator and George Kraft have in common?
(a) The things they did during the war don't bother them now.
(b) They are creative.
(c) They can live in any country anywhere and it would not matter because one place is as good as another.
(d) They can be many things at once and all sincerely.

7. For what "crime" was Stepan Bodovskov arrested, tried, and shot?
(a) Obscenity.
(b) Capitalism.
(c) Originality.
(d) Plagiarism.

8. What is in the capsule that Resi put in her mouth?
(a) Aspirin.
(b) A 2-karat diamond.
(c) A microchip.
(d) Cyanide.

9. What does the patrolman tell the narrator that chemicals had caused a woman living nearby to do?
(a) Kill her husband.
(b) Kill her own baby.
(c) Intentionally ram her car into someone else's.
(d) Set her apartment on fire.

10. What becomes of the rope that was given to the narrator?
(a) The narrator uses it to tie their new mattress to the top of a car.
(b) A garbage collector uses it to commit suicide.
(c) Resi uses it to tie up the narrator's attacker until the police arrive.
(d) Dr. Epstein uses it to make a tourniquet on the narrator's injured leg to keep him from bleeding to death.

11. What does the schoolteacher in the bomb shelter do to silence his hysterical wife?
(a) Puts his socks on his hands and puts on a puppet show.
(b) Gets her to drink some vodka.
(c) Sings to her.
(d) Knocks her out.

12. To what does the narrator compare himself and other cigarette smokers?
(a) Walking chimneys.
(b) Pre-cancerous growths.
(c) Babies with pacifiers.
(d) Lightning bugs.

13. The narrator is upset when he finds out that Armistice Day had been changed to . . .
(a) Independence Day.
(b) Labor Day.
(c) Veterans' Day.
(d) Memorial Day.

14. When the narrator is recovering from the beating, where does George Kraft speculate that he, Resi, and the narrator would go?
(a) Siberia.
(b) The tropics.
(c) Australia.
(d) Alaska.

15. What are Resi, Father Keeley, and the Black Fuehrer doing when the narrator returns from his meeting with Frank Wirtanen?
(a) Organizing a search party.
(b) Talking to the police.
(c) Playing cards.
(d) Preparing for their trip to Mexico.

Short Answer Questions

1. To the narrator, the imaginary lines of international borders are as unreal as . . .

2. Who does the Blue Fairy Godmother say are communist agents?

3. According to the narrator, what is the only part of a pig that is not used at the Chicago Stockyards?

4. The office where the narrator is held after he is arrested at Jones' place is located in what famous building?

5. What does the narrator say is a "snaggle-toothed thought machine"?

(see the answer keys)

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