Chapters 13 and 14 Summary and Analysis

Here Didion discusses dreams that to her symbolize a sense of responsibility for John's death, anger at him for putting her in such a position, and guilt arising from both the responsibility and the anger.

Didion next describes her eating habits, how she moves from the kitchen to the dining room when the days lengthen, then back to the kitchen when the days shorten. She recalls her most cherished gift from him, given on her birthday—he read a section of one of her novels aloud to her, and fervently commented on how good her writing was. "That's my birthday present to you", she recalls him saying.

Various incidents in Didion's life made her think deeply about her state of being, including the way in which the fear that resulted from a non-hurtful physical stumble reminded her of...