"Are you saying, Dave, that I pay $250 for a pack and it doesn't have straps and it isn't water proof? Does it have a bottom in it?" (Chapter 1, p. 10)

"I gotta eat something every hour or so or I have, whadayacallit, seizures." (Ch. 2, p. 22)

"You know what I look for in a female these days? A heartbeat and a full set of limbs." (Ch. 3, p. 34)

"She said you guys were a couple of overweight wimps who didn't know the first thing about hiking and that she was tired of carrying you." (Ch. 5, p.69)

"But it's the 'X-Files' on Friday. I just bought cream soda." (Ch. 6, p. 84)

"I think I have a right to be a trifle alarmed, pardon me. I'm in the woods, in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, staring at a bear, with a guy who has nothing to defend himself with but a pair...