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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What is the name of the newspaper Lennox asks his son to fetch him?
(a) Shoot.
(b) Match.
(c) Football World.
(d) Football Guardian.

2. How does the narrator say he would get to Glasgow?
(a) By hitch-hiking.
(b) By bike.
(c) By train.
(d) By bus.

3. What does the narrator say he would hang himself from?
(a) A tree.
(b) A clifftop.
(c) A balcony.
(d) A rooftop.

4. What does the narrator say the goalkeeper turns into?
(a) A deranged eagle.
(b) A long armed gorilla.
(c) A flying pig.
(d) A leaping ape.

5. What does the narrator's father suggest the narrator does to cheer himself up?
(a) Have a wash.
(b) Go to bed.
(c) Drink a cup of tea.
(d) Go to a party.

6. What is Jones's job?
(a) Dustman.
(b) Teacher.
(c) Doctor.
(d) Lawyer.

7. What does Lennox say he needs to take to the games?
(a) A scarf.
(b) Beer.
(c) A flask.
(d) Glasses.

8. What does Fred say ninety-five thousand quid has gone up like?
(a) London fog.
(b) Scotch mist.
(c) Arsenal defenders.
(d) Goal hangers.

9. Why does Lennox have a feeling Notts County will lose?
(a) Notts have many players injured.
(b) Bristol are a much better team.
(c) They have been performing badly.
(d) He is feeling unwell.

10. What does Jim mother keep her house as clean as?
(a) A harem.
(b) A hay loft.
(c) A new pin.
(d) A brewery.

11. What does Jim give his fiance an eye like?
(a) A little dog.
(b) An angry cat.
(c) A little boy.
(d) A pregnant mother.

12. How does Bert say he earned his tuppence?
(a) Writing.
(b) Delivering messages.
(c) Gardening.
(d) Selling fruit.

13. Why does the woman think the goal should have been disallowed?
(a) It was a foul.
(b) It wasn't over the line.
(c) The ref had blown his whistle.
(d) It was offside.

14. What does the narrator say you can't hold to forever?
(a) Your future.
(b) Your past.
(c) Your father's coat tails.
(d) Your mam's apron strings.

15. What is Fred Iremonger's job?
(a) Mechanic.
(b) Miner.
(c) Steelworker.
(d) Baker.

Short Answer Questions

1. Where does Jim's mother work?

2. How has the old gypsy woman done her hair?

3. What ride does Colin want to try?

4. What does the narrator say he would have done to Jim's mother if she has talked to him in the same way?

5. What does Colin say he is not going to rob?

(see the answer keys)

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