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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What football position does the narrator compare his running at the chair to?
(a) Winger.
(b) Right back.
(c) Center forward.
(d) Center back.

2. What does the narrator say you can't hold to forever?
(a) Your father's coat tails.
(b) Your past.
(c) Your future.
(d) Your mam's apron strings.

3. What does the author say Colin's legs are like as he tries to escape with Bert?
(a) Rubber.
(b) Steel.
(c) Jelly.
(d) Lead.

4. What does Lennox say he needs to take to the games?
(a) A scarf.
(b) A flask.
(c) Glasses.
(d) Beer.

5. What does the narrator say he would hang himself from?
(a) A tree.
(b) A rooftop.
(c) A clifftop.
(d) A balcony.

6. Who are Notts County playing in this book?
(a) Stoke City.
(b) Wolves.
(c) Bristol City.
(d) Cambridge Utd.

7. What does the author say Jones's brain is like?
(a) A senile old man.
(b) An oil tanker.
(c) A bottle neck.
(d) An old banger.

8. What is Mrs. Scaredale crackers about?
(a) Fresh air.
(b) Marriage.
(c) Chocolate.
(d) Snow.

9. What is the name of Colin's cousin?
(a) Denise.
(b) James.
(c) Rachel.
(d) Bert.

10. Why does the woman think the goal should have been disallowed?
(a) It wasn't over the line.
(b) The ref had blown his whistle.
(c) It was a foul.
(d) It was offside.

11. What does Fred say he needs to mend?
(a) His bike.
(b) His staircase.
(c) His car.
(d) His bookshelves.

12. What do the man's arms chaf like when the narrator kicks the chair away?
(a) An airport controller.
(b) A referee.
(c) A scarecrow.
(d) An injured eagle.

13. What kind of snake does the African woman have curled around her top?
(a) An adder.
(b) A python.
(c) A grass snake.
(d) A cobra.

14. What kind of animal does Colin cling to on the Noah's Ark ride?
(a) A tiger.
(b) A gorilla.
(c) A dove.
(d) A lion.

15. What smell makes Lennox feel hungry?
(a) Steak and kidney.
(b) Fish and chips.
(c) Mince-pies.
(d) Pork-pies.

Short Answer Questions

1. What is Jim's fiance's name?

2. Why does Lennox have a feeling Notts County will lose?

3. What does Jim say is the first thing him and Phylis need to do?

4. What does the narrator say the goalkeeper turns into?

5. What are people beginning to call Lennox because of his sight?

(see the answer keys)

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