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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What does Hoffman recommend as the best method of birth control?
(a) The pill.
(b) Abstinence.
(c) Foam.
(d) An IUD.

2. What does Hoffman recommend against when hijacking the mic at a concert?
(a) Being overly dramatic.
(b) Making threats to the building owners.
(c) Being too brief.
(d) Interrupting the music.

3. What makes a pair of 'snappy casual shoes?'
(a) Cut-out sections of tire with inner tube.
(b) Bowling shoes.
(c) A black plastic bag.
(d) Skates with the blades removed.

4. What state gives out the most generous welfare benefits?
(a) Alabama.
(b) Vermont.
(c) New York.
(d) Mississippi.

5. What is at the center of the star on the flag?
(a) A mushroom.
(b) Another, smaller star.
(c) A peace symbol.
(d) A marijuana leaf.

6. What should you leave for the waiter or waitress after stealing from a restaurant?
(a) Nothing.
(b) A good tip.
(c) A dead rat.
(d) A forged, blank check.

7. What are two of the easiest STDs to pick up?
(a) Warts and fungus.
(b) Syph and Clap.
(c) Gon and Chlam.
(d) HIV and AIDS.

8. Where can one obtain free, or 'dirt cheap,' blueprints and information?
(a) Libraries on housecleaning day.
(b) BPOs Inc.
(c) Government Printing Office.
(d) Record clubs.

9. What country has a lot of free land available?
(a) Mexico.
(b) Canada.
(c) Cuba.
(d) Argentina.

10. What is a common disease in the hip community?
(a) Dengue Fever.
(b) Hepatitis.
(c) H1N1.
(d) Malaria.

11. Which door is the best to use for sneaking into a theater?
(a) Loading bay door.
(b) Employee entrance.
(c) Front door.
(d) Fire exit.

12. When making 'road hog crispies,' how long should the millet be boiled for?
(a) Two or three hours.
(b) A half an hour.
(c) An hour.
(d) Forty-five minutes.

13. What can be used as fake marijuana?
(a) Catnip.
(b) Oregano.
(c) All of the below.
(d) Parsley.

14. What should women never go grocery shopping without?
(a) A crying baby to use as a decoy.
(b) A handbag.
(c) A male companion.
(d) A list of prices from competing stores.

15. How many points are on the star in the flag of 'our nation?'
(a) Six.
(b) Five.
(c) Seven.
(d) Eight.

Short Answer Questions

1. Who should you avoid freeloading from?

2. Who's Register of Companies, Directors and Executives does Hoffman recommend?

3. What is a farmhouse with a small garden, some livestock, and maybe a pond?

4. What does the law of gravity also affect?

5. At the time of writing, what is the value of a stolen airline ticket around the world?

(see the answer keys)

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