“I have gr-reat respect f’r th’ joodicyary, as fine a lot iv cross an’ indignant men as ye’ll find annywhere.  I have th’ same respect f’r thim as they have f’r each other.  But I niver bow to a decision iv a judge onless, first, it’s pleasant to me, an’, second, other judges bow to it.  Ye can’t be too careful about what decisions ye bow to.  A decision that seems agreeable may turn out like an acquaintance ye scrape up at a picnic.  Ye may be ashamed iv it to-morrah.  Manny’s th’ time I’ve bowed to a decree iv a coort on’y to see it go up gayly to th’ supreem coort, knock at th’ dure an’ be kicked down stairs be an angry old gintleman in a black silk petticoat.  A decree iv th’ coort has got to be pretty vinrable befure I do more thin greet it with a pleasant smile.

“Me idee was whin I read about Jawn D’s fine that he’d settle at wanst, payin’ twinty-eight millyon dollars in millyon dollar bills an’ th’ other millyon in chicken-feed like ten thousand dollar bills just to annoy th’ clerk.  But I ought to’ve known betther.  Manny’s th’ time I’ve bent me proud neck to a decision iv a coort that lasted no longer thin it took th’ lawyer f’r th’ definse to call up another judge on th’ tillyphone.  A judge listens to a case f’r days an’ hears, while he’s figurin’ a possible goluf score on his blotting pad, th’ argymints iv two or three lawyers that no wan wud dare to offer a judgeship to.  Gin’rally speakin’, judges are lawyers.  They get to be judges because they have what Hogan calls th’ joodicyal timp’ramint, which is why annybody gets a job.  Th’ other kind people won’t take a job.  They’d rather take a chance.  Th’ judge listens to a case f’r days an’ decides it th’ way he intinded to.  D’ye find th’ larned counsel that’s just been beat climbin’ up on th’ bench an’ throwin’ his arms around th’ judge?  Ye bet ye don’t.  He gathers his law books into his arms, gives th’ magistrate a look that means, ‘There’s an eliction next year’, an’ runs down th’ hall to another judge.  Th’ other judge hears his kick an’ says he:  ’I don’t know annything about this here case except what ye’ve whispered to me, but I know me larned collague an’ I wuddent thrust him to referee a roller-skatin’ contest.  Don’t pay th’ fine till ye hear fr’m me.’  Th’ on’y wan that bows to th’ decision is th’ fellow that won, an’ pretty soon he sees he’s made a mistake, f’r wan day th’ other coort comes out an’ declares that th’ decision of th’ lower coort is another argymint in favor iv abolishing night law schools.

“That’s th’ way Jawn D. felt about it an’ he didn’t settle.  I wondher will they put him away if he don’t pay ivinchooly?  ’Twill be a long sentence.  A frind iv mine wanst got full iv kerosene an’ attempted to juggle a polisman.  They thried him whin he come out iv th’ emergency hospital an’ fined him a hundhred dollars.  He didn’t happen to have that amount with him at th’ moment or at anny moment since th’ day he was born.  But the judge was very lenient with him.  He said