“It’s thrue, though,” said Mr. Dooley.  “Twinty-nine millyon dollars.  Divvle th’ cent less.  I can’t exactly make out what th’ charge was that they arrested him on, but th’ gin’ral idee is that Jawn D. was goin’ around loaded up to th’ guards with Standard Ile, exceedin’ th’ speed limit in acquirin’ money, an’ singin’ ‘A charge to keep I have’ till th’ neighbors cud stand it no longer.  The judge says:  ’Ye’re an old offender an’ I’ll have to make an example iv ye.  Twinty-nine millyon dollars or fifty-eight millyon days.  Call th’ next case, Misther Clerk.

“Did he pay th’ fine?  He did not.  Iv coorse he cud if he wanted to.  He wuddent have to pawn annything to get th’ money, ye can bet on that.  All he’d have to do would be to put his hand down in his pocket, skin twinty-nine millyon dollar bills off iv his roll an’ hurl thim at th’ clerk.  But he refused to pay as a matter iv principle.  ’Twas not that he needed th’ money.  He don’t care f’r money in th’ passionate way that you an’ me do, Hinnissy.  Th’ likes iv us are as crazy about a dollar as a man is about his child whin he has on’y wan.  Th’ chances are we’ll spoil it.  But Jawn D., havin’ a large an’ growin’ fam’ly iv dollars, takes on’y a kind iv gin’ral inthrest in thim.  He’s issued a statement sayin’ that he’s a custojeen iv money appinted be himsilf.  He looks afther his own money an’ th’ money iv other people.  He takes it an’ puts it where it won’t hurt thim an’ they won’t spoil it.  He’s a kind iv a society f’r th’ previntion of croolty to money.  If he finds a man misusing his money he takes it away fr’m him an’ adopts it.  Ivry Saturdah night he lets th’ man see it fr a few hours.  An’ he says he’s surprised to find that whin, with th’ purest intintions in th’ wurruld, he is found thryin’ to coax our little money to his home where it’ll find conjanial surroundings an’ have other money to play with, th’ people thry to lynch him an’ th’ polis arrest him f’r abduction.

“So as a matther iv principle he appealed th’ case.  An appeal, Hinnissy, is where ye ask wan coort to show it’s contempt f’r another coort.  ’Tis sthrange that all th’ pathrites that have wanted to hang Willum Jennings Bryan an’ mesilf f’r not showin’ proper respect f’r th’ joodicyary, are now showin’ their respect f’r th’ joodicyary be appealin’ fr’m their decisions.  Ye’d think Jawn D. wud bow his head reverentially in th’ awful presence iv Kenesaw Mt.  Landis an’ sob out:  ’Thank ye’er honor.  This here noble fine fills me with joy.  But d’ye think ye give me enough?  If agreeable I’d like to make it an even thirty millyons.’  But he doesn’t.  He’s like mesilf.  Him an’ me bows to th’ decisions iv th’ coorts on’y if they bow first.