Again, in recording the upward progress of horses in the betting market, it would be ridiculous to say of all of them merely that they became hot favourites.  Vary, therefore, occasionally, by saying of one, for example, that “here was another case of one being eventually served up warm”; of another, that “plenty of the talent took 7 to 4 about Mousetrap;” of a third, that “Paradox had the call at 4 to 1;” and of a fourth, that “a heap of money, and good money too, went on Backslide.”  After these preliminary instructions, Mr. Punch offers his

Third Example.—­Event to be described:  A horse-race.  Names of horses and jockeys, weights, &c., supplied.

Considerable delay took place. Little Benjy made a complete hole in his manners by bolting.  Eventually, however, the flag tell to a capital start. Burglar Bill on the right cut out the work[1] from Paladin, who soon began to blow great guns, and after a quarter of a mile had been negotiated yielded his pride of place to Cudlums with The P’liceman in attendance, Sobriety lying fourth, and D.  T. close behind.  Thus they raced to the bend, where Burglar Bill cried peccavi, and Cudlums having shot her bolt, Sobriety was left in front, only to be challenged by Cropeared Sue, who had been coming through her horses with a wet sail.  Bounding the bend SIMPSON called upon Mrs. Brady and literally took tea with her rivals,[2] whom he nailed to the counter one after another.  The favourite compounded at the distance, and Mrs. Brady romped home the easiest of winners, four lengths ahead of Cropeared Sue; a bad third.  The rest were whipped in by Flyaway, who once more failed to justify the appellation bestowed upon him.

Mr. Punch flatters himself that, upon the above model, the report of any race-meeting could be accurately constructed at home.  In future, therefore, no reporter should go to the expense of leaving London for Epsom, Newmarket, Ascot, or Goodwood.

[Footnote 1:  Note this sentence.  It is essential.]

[Footnote 2:  At first sight it would appear more natural that SIMPSON (presumably a jockey) having called upon Mrs. Brady, should take tea with her rather than with her rivals.  But a sporting style involves us in puzzles.]

* * * * *

A CENTENARIAN.

    “This is the centenary of the tall hat.”—­Daily News.

[Illustration]

  A hundred years of hideousness,
  Constricted brows, and strain, and stress! 
  And still, despite humanity’s groan,
  The torturing, “tall-hat” holds its own! 
  What proof more sure and melancholy
  Of the dire depths of mortal folly? 
  Mad was the hatter who invented
  The demon “topper,” and demented
  The race that, spite of pain and jeers,
  Has borne it—­for One Hundred Years!