* * * * *

HAMLET AT THE VEGETARIAN CONGRESS.

[Illustration]

  Yea, from the table of my dining-room,
  I’ll take away all tasty joints and entrees. 
  All sorts of meat, all forms of animal diet
  That the carnivorous cook hath gathered there: 
  And, by commandment, will entirely live
  Within the bounds of vegetable food,
  Unmixed with savoury matters.  Yes, by heaven! 
  O most pernicious Meat! 
  O Mutton, beef, and pork, digestion-spoiling! 
  My tables, my tables!  Meat?  I’ll put it down;
  For men may dine, and dine, and do no killing,
  At least I’m sure it may be so—­on lentils. 
  So, gourmand, there you are!  Now to my menu;
  It is, “All Vegetables and no Meat!”
  I have sworn’t!

* * * * *

INTERVIEWING A LA MODE.

(QUITE AT THE SERVICE OF SOME OF MR. PUNCH’S CONTEMPORARIES.)

One of our Representatives called a few days since upon Mr. BROWN, senior member of the well-known firm of Messrs. BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON.  The Eminent General Dealer was seated “in his counting-house,” as the nursery-song hath it, “counting out his money.”

“Come in, come in!” said Mr. BROWN, cordially, as he somewhat hurriedly looked up the coin in a safe out of our reach.  “I am delighted to see you.”

“Glad to hear it,” we replied, rather drily.  “We want to put a few questions to you, in the interest of the public.”

“As many as you please.  I am, as you know, a man of business; still, the resources of our establishment are so vast, that my place can be supplied without inconvenience to our thousands, I may say millions of customers.  And now, Sir, what can I do for you?”

“Well, Mr. BROWN, speaking in the name of civilisation, I would wish to ask you if you have much sale for SMASHUP’s Concentrated Essence of Cucumbers (registered), in the larger bottles?”

“Yes, Sir, we have; although the smaller sizes are, possibly, a trifle more popular.”

“What do you think of COTTONBACK’s Fleur de Lyons Putney Satin?”

“A most admirable material for home wear, although we do not recommend it for use at a party, a ball, or a reception.  For festive occasions we do a very large trade in GIGGLEWATER’s Superfine Velvet South American Moire Antique as advertised.”

“Indeed!  Perhaps, you can mention a few more articles that in your judgment you believe it will interest our readers to learn about.”

“Pardon me, but don’t you put that sentence a trifle clumsily?”

Our Representative smiled and blushed.  Then he admitted that Mr. BROWN might be right.

“Ha! ha! ha!” laughed the Senior Partner, in great glee.  “You see I have my head screwed on the right way!  But to answer you.  GOTEMON’s Patent Alligator’s Skin Braces are attracting much attention just now, so is WIPE’s Castle 2 Imperial William Champagne, which finds (I may observe confidentially) a ready sale at thirty-two shillings the dozen.  Then there are AKE’s Electric Tooth-brushes, and CRAX’s Stained-glass Solid Mahogany Brass-mounted Elizabethan Mantel-boards.  Then, of course, I must not forget BOLTER’s Washhandstands and BOUNDER’s Anti-agony Aromatic Pills.”