By one of them striking and remarkabel ocurrences as happens so offen, who shood we appen to find at Ship Lake, but one of the werry poplarest of the Court of Haldermen, and what shood he do but ask ’em all in to lunch at his splendid manshun, and what shood they all do but jump at the hoffer, and what does he do, for a lark, I serppose—­if so be as a reel Poplar Alderman ewer does have sich a thing as a lark—­and give ’em all sich a gloryous spread, as I owerheard one henergetick Deperty describe it, as hutterly deprived ’em all of the power of heating a bit of dinner till the werry next day, to which time they wisely put it off, and then thorowly injoyed it.

In course, I’m not allowed to menshun not no names on these conferdential ocasions, but I did hear “the Commodore” shout to “the King” sumthink about “Hansum is as Hansum does,” but it was rayther too late in the heavening for me to be able to quite unnerstand his elusions.

I am ’appy to be able to report that we every one on us arrived in Town quite safe and quite happy, xcep sum of the pore hard-working crew who are left at Marlow till further orders.  ROBERT.

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[Illustration:  MEETING OF THE B.A.  FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE.  LEEDS TOWN-HALL.]

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[Illustration:  FAIR PROPOSAL.

Johnson (at window—­having offered to tame a vicious Horse for his Friend).  “NOW, TOM, JUST COLLAR HOLD OF HIS HEAD, AND I’LL PUT THE MUZZLE ON!”]

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A SPORTING STYLE.

(THIRD EXAMPLE.)

Two examples of a correct sporting style have been already laid before the public.  For convenience of reference they may be defined as the mixed-pugilistic and the insolent.  There is, however, a third variety, the equine, in which everyone who aspires to wield the pen of a sporting reporter must necessarily be a proficient.  It may be well to warn a beginner that he must not attempt this style until he has laid in a large stock of variegated metaphoric expressions.  As a matter of fact one horse-race is very much like another in its main incidents, and the process of betting against or in favour of one horse resembles, more or less, the process of betting about any other.  The point is, however, to impart to monotonous incidents a variety they do not possess; and to do this properly a luxuriant vocabulary is essential.  For instance, in the course of a race, some horses tire, or, to put it less offensively, go less rapidly than others.  The reporter will say of such a horse that he (1) “shot his bolt,” or (2) “cried peccavi,” or (3) “cried a go,” or (4) “compounded,” or (5) “exhibited signals of distress,” or (6) “fired minute guns,” or (7) “fell back to mend his bellows,” or (8) “seemed to pause for reflection.”