“‘The night passed quietly.  Th’ sthreets were crowded all avenin’ with good-natured throngs iv ladies, an’ in front iv th’ dry goods stores, which were illuminated f’r th’ occasion, it was almost impossible to get through.  Iv coorse there were th’ usual riochous scenes in th’ dhrug stores, where th’ bibulous gathered at th’ sody-wather counthers an’ cillybrated th’ victory in lemon, vanilla, an’ choc’late, some iv thim keepin’ it up till 9 o’clock, or aven later.’  ’Whin that comes about, me child,’ says I, ’ye may sheathe ye’er hat pins in ye’er millinary, f’r ye’ll have as much right to vote as th’ most ignorant man in th’ ward.  But don’t ask f’r rights.  Take thim.  An’ don’t let anny wan give thim to ye.  A right that is handed to ye f’r nawthin’ has somethin’ th’ matther with it.  It’s more than likely it’s on’y a wrong turned inside out,’ says I.  ‘I didn’t fight f’r th’ rights I’m told I injye, though to tell ye th’ truth I injye me wrongs more; but some wan did.  Some time some fellow was prepared to lay down his life, or betther still, th’ other fellows’, f’r th’ right to vote.’”

“I believe ye’re in favor iv it ye’ersilf,” said Mr. Hennessy.

“Faith,” said Mr. Dooley, “I’m not wan way or th’ other.  I don’t care.  What diff’rence does it make?  I wudden’t mind at all havin’ a little soap an’ wather, a broom an’ a dusther applied to pollyticks.  It wudden’t do anny gr-reat harm if a man cudden’t be illicted to office onless he kept his hair combed an’ blacked his boots an’ shaved his chin wanst a month.  Annyhow, as Hogan says, I care not who casts th’ votes iv me counthry so long as we can hold th’ offices.  An’ there’s on’y wan way to keep the women out iv office, an’ that’s to give thim a vote.”

THE BACHELOR TAX

“This here pa-aper says,” said Mr. Hennessy, “that they’re goin’ to put a tax on bachelors.  That’s r-right.  Why shudden’t there be a tax on bachelors?  There’s one on dogs.”

“That’s r-right,” said Mr. Dooley.  “An’ they’re goin’ to make it five dollars a year.  Th’ dogs pay only two.  It’s quite a concession to us.  They consider us more thin twice as vallyable, or annyhow more thin twice as dangerous as dogs.  I suppose ye expect next year to see me throttin’ around with a leather collar an’ a brass tag on me neck.  If me tax isn’t paid th’ bachelor wagon’ll come over an’ th’ bachelor catcher’ll lassoo me an’ take me to th’ pound an’ I’ll be kept there three days an’ thin, if still unclaimed, I’ll be dhrowned onless th’ pound keeper takes a fancy to me.  Ye’ll niver see it, me boy.  No, Sir.  Us bachelors ar-re a sthrong body iv men polytickally, as well as handsome and brave.  If ye thry to tax us we’ll fight ye to th’ end.  If worst comes to worst we won’t pay th’ tax.  Don’t ye think f’r a minyit that light-footed heroes that have been eludin’ onprincipled females all their lives won’t be able to dodge a little thing like a five-dollar tax.  There’s no clumsy collector in th’ wurruld that cud catch up with a man iv me age who has avoided the machinations iv th’ fair f’r forty years an’ remains unmarrid.