“‘Some day ye may get a vote, but befure ye do I’ll r-read this in th’ pa-apers:  A hundhred thousand armed an’ detarmined women invaded th’ capital city to-day demandin’ th’ right to vote.  They chased th’ polis acrost th’ Pottymac, mobbed a newspaper that was agin th’ bill, an’ tarred an’ feathered Sinitor Glue, th’ leader iv th’ opposition.  At 10 o’clock a rumor spread that th’ Prisident wud veto th’ bill, an’ instantly a huge crowd iv excited females gathered in front of the White House, hurlin’ rocks an’ cryin’ ‘Lynch him!’ Th’ tumult was on’y quelled whin th’ Prisident’s wife appeared on th’ balcony an’ made a brief speech.  She said she was a mimber iv th’ local suffrage club, an’ she felt safe in assuring her sisters that th’ bill wud be signed.  If nicissry, she wud sign it hersilf. (Cheers.) Th’ Prisident was a little onruly, but he was frequently that way.  Th’ marrid ladies in th’ aujeence wud undherstand.  He meant nawthin’.  It was on’y wan iv his tantrums.  A little moral suasion wud bring him ar-round all right.  At prisint th’ Chief Magistrate was in th’ kitchen with his daughter settin’ on his head.

“‘Th’ speech was received with loud cheers, an’ th’ mob proceeded down Pinnslyvanya Avnoo.  Be noon all enthrances to th’ capital were jammed.  Congressmen attimptin’ to enter were seized be th’ hair iv th’ head an’ made to sign a pa-aper promisin’ to vote right.  Immejately afther th’ prayer th’ Hon’rable Clarence Gumdhrop iv Matsachoosetts offered th’ suffrage bill f’r passage.  ‘Th’ motion is out iv ordher,’ began th’ Speaker.  At this minyit a lady standin’ behind th’ chair dhrove a darning needle through his coat tails.  ‘But,’ continued th’ Speaker, reachin’ behind him with an agnized ex’pression, ’I will let it go annyhow.’  ‘Mr. Speaker, I protest,’ began th’ Hon’rable Attila Sthrong, ‘I protest—­’ At this a perfeck tornado iv rage broke out in th’ gall’ries.  Inkwells, bricks, combs, shoes, smellin’ bottles, hand mirrors, fans, an’ powdher puffs were hurled at th’ onforchnit mimber.  In the midst iv th’ confusion th’ wife iv Congressman Sthrong cud be seen wavin’ a par’sol over her head an’ callin’ out:  ’I dare ye to come home to-night, polthroon.’

“‘Whin th’ noise partially subsided, th’ bold Congressman, his face livid with emotion, was heard to remark with a sob:  ’I was on’y about to say I second th’ motion, deary.’  Th’ bill was carried without a dissintin’ voice, an’ rushed over to th’ Sinit.  There it was opposed be Jeff Davis but afther a brief dialogue with th’ leader iv th’ suffrageites, he swooned away.  Th’ Sinit fin’lly insthructed th’ clerk to cast th’ unanimous vote f’r th’ measure.  To-night in th’ prisince iv a vast multichood th’ Prisident was led out be his wife.  He was supported, or rather pushed, be two iv his burly daughters.  He seemed much confused, an’ his wife had to point out th’ place where he was to sign.  With tremblin’ fingers he affixed his signature an’ was led back.