The following edition of the text was used in the creation of this study guide: Li, Yiyun. Things In Nature Merely Grow. HarperCollins, 2025. Kindle AZW file.

In Chapter I, Li recounts learning of the suicides of her sons, Vincent and James, six and a half years apart. She reflects on the police officers’ phrase, “There is no good way to say this,” and applies it both to the moment of loss and to her difficulty writing about James, which feels far more elusive than the book she wrote quickly after Vincent’s death. She acknowledges that the book may fail to explain James’s death or fully capture who he was.

Chapter II contrasts Li’s responses to each loss. Vincent died at sixteen on the day the family committed to a new home he never lived in; James died six years later at age 19. Li recalls turning to classical tragedy after Vincent’s death and notes her own restrained grief, which found expression through writing rather than tears. She remembers crying only once.

In Chapter III, Li rejects the idea of a redemptive or self-help narrative, stating that the book will offer neither comfort nor resolution, but only an honest record of loss.

Chapter IV reflects on a conversation with James about Camus’s Caligula and the line “Men die; and they are not happy.” Li connects this to her abusive childhood and her mother’s emotional cruelty. She frames James’s suicide as an act of free will that must be respected, recalling a moment from Vincent’s childhood that underscores both her commitment to honoring her children’s autonomy and her awareness that such respect cannot shield them from the world’s harms.

In Chapter V, Li explains that she feared Vincent might commit suicide for years, a fear shaped by her own childhood in Communist China, where she was publicly shamed for refusing to write a false patriotic essay and later abused by her mother. She notes her emotional restraint as a parent and recalls Vincent’s therapist warning that, if he acted, his suicide would likely be sudden and unstoppable.

Chapter VI turns to memories of family life, emphasizing Li’s care for her sons, the closeness between Vincent and James, and Vincent’s sense of responsibility toward his younger brother. Li recalls James’s interest in Van Gogh and the coincidence that the painter’s brother died shortly after him.

In Chapter VII, Li reflects that Vincent’s death left her baffled rather than angry, while James’s suicide came without warning. She recalls conversations with her therapist in which she dismissed the possibility of James committing suicide and later wonders whether she ignored subtle signs.

Chapter VIII links Li’s childhood abuse to her response to loss, describing her refusal to show defeat despite profound grief.

In Chapter IX, Li remembers telling James about Vincent’s death, a moment marked by silence rather than tears. She reflects on a consoling email from a colleague after James’s death. In the letter, the colleague suggests that James chose to leave and that letting go, though painful, was necessary.

In Chapter X, Li describes the logistical and emotional aftermath of James’s death, likening it to the exhausting immediacy of a child’s birth, when one must continue despite the difficulties.

Chapter XI extends the parallel between birth and death, suggesting that the loss of a second child, while devastating, is at least more familiar. Li emphasizes radical acceptance as essential to survival and notes that she continued her professional life after James’s death.

In Chapter XII, Li reflects on the garden she planted after Vincent’s death, not as a symbol of hope but of acceptance. She considers the idea of placeholders and suggests that the book itself may stand in for a memorial to James. She contrasts Vincent’s emotional nature with James’s intellectual one.

In Chapter XIII, Li discusses the principle of “doing things that work,” recounting both helpful and harmful responses from others to the deaths of her sons. She introduces the metaphor of boulders and pebbles to distinguish between unchangeable grief and unnecessary self-blame, emphasizing the importance of setting aside what can be dismissed.

In Chapter XIV, Li recounts her efforts to continue living through acts connected to her sons and reflects on the paradox of motherhood after their deaths. She concludes that although she remains a mother, she is now a parent who can no longer parent.

In Chapter XV, Li discusses books about autism that were important to James and recalls resisting pressures to accelerate his education, prioritizing a normal childhood over academic advancement.

Chapter XVI reflects on Li’s difficulty writing about James, whom she remembers as deliberately unobtrusive and deeply afraid of being alone, qualities that make him harder to grasp in narrative.

In Chapter XVII, Li recounts advice from a psychologist on how to speak about her children after Vincent’s death and recalls a friend’s insight that Li’s intellectual response to grief left others unsure how to support her, an understanding Li finds consoling.

Chapter XVIII describes Li’s return to piano lessons after James’s death, where repetitive practice offered her solace and structure. She reflects on the persistent question of how the tragedy occurred and describes this period as an "abyss."

In Chapter XIX, Li links the concept of the abyss to her earlier hospitalization following a suicide attempt in 2012, recalling her emotional detachment at the time and her fear that even her children could not anchor her to life.

In Chapter XX, Li considers whether Vincent’s suicide influenced James’s and whether her own earlier suicide attempt played a role in Vincent’s death. She reflects on assisted suicide through the example of a terminally ill colleague and speculates that James may have acted after rational deliberation. Revisiting a childhood question from Vincent about suffering, she concludes that while suffering is unavoidable, one can learn to “suffer better.”

Chapter XXI examines troubling responses to her sons’ deaths, including intrusive requests, sensationalist media coverage, and a disturbing encounter with a grieving parent after Vincent’s suicide. Li rejects attempts to excuse or forgive such behavior.

In Chapter XXII, Li recounts severe abuse by her mother and connects this trauma to her own suicide attempt, which stemmed from the belief that her children would be better off with a dead mother than a mad one. She reflects that she and her husband broke this cycle, becoming better parents than those they had.

Chapter XXIII describes Li’s return to swimming after James’s death, using the difference between learned and instinctive swimming as a metaphor for living with effort rather than ease after bereavement. Despite having done everything that she deemed possible, she concludes that she could not save them. She acknowledges that this will remain a reality she finds impossible to fully articulate.