"Two girls call me close-minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded that their brains leaked out." The Famous Sushi Pants Story p. 3

"It is the devil dressed in a transistor." The Famous Sushi Pants Story, p. 7

"And then all hell starts breaking loose." The Night We Almost Died, p. 13

"GUN! GUN! GUN! A FUCKING GUN!." The Night We Almost Died, p. 15

"...a solid 5-roper." The BlowJob Follies, p. 23

"I am not a toy expert." Everyone Has "That" Friend, p. 28

"But there is a limit to what a girl will endure before she gets pissed and leaves." Everyone Has "That" Friend, p. 34

"My liver hurts, my liver is dying." Everyone Has "That" Friend, p.44

"...would I do it again? That's a stupid question." Tucker Fucks a Fat Girl; Hilarity Ensues p.53

"The night before I got my roommate and myself into the SOMA magazine opening party in...