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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. The Dullard barmaid has "ready for sex written all over her face but better bring a _____ written all over her body."
(a) Bouquet of flowers.
(b) Fire extinguisher.
(c) Hamburger.
(d) Paper bag.

2. What thought comforts Bryson about the pushy seniors at the "Little White House"?
(a) That soon they'll be dead.
(b) They'll get karmic payback.
(c) They don't know what they're doing.
(d) They won't enjoy the site.

3. Why is Bryson disappointed by Auburn, AL?
(a) The people are very rude.
(b) He can't find a decent bookstore.
(c) It's lacking history.
(d) It's not well landscaped.

4. What prompts Bryson to return to the land of his youth?
(a) He lost his job.
(b) His loss of memory.
(c) His disturbed and erratic background.
(d) He wants to find his old friends.

5. Where is Bryson forced to eat in Carbondale?
(a) Pizza Hut.
(b) McDonald's.
(c) A hot dog stand.
(d) Vern's.

6. Bryson says the three things that kill a farmer are: "lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and _____".
(a) Wild animals.
(b) Pyschos.
(c) Disease.
(d) Old age.

7. When a girl asks Bryson "kin I help yew," how does Bryson feel?
(a) Like he's in danger.
(b) Embarrassed for her.
(c) Like he's falling in love.
(d) Like he's in another country.

8. Why were Bryson's family vacations always so dingy?
(a) Because no one cared either way.
(b) Because it made the trip more exciting.
(c) Because they were trying to save money.
(d) Because the midwest is dingy.

9. When Bryson enters Mississippi, he suddenly begins musing on the ________ of the region.
(a) Cultural variation.
(b) Vibrance.
(c) History.
(d) Race riots.

10. Bryson says he "wouldn't hesitate to give an old person a shove, especially a _______."
(a) Southerner.
(b) Baptist.
(c) Woman.
(d) Rude one.

11. According to Bryson's generalization, who will people from Des Moines marry?
(a) No one.
(b) A New Yorker.
(c) A foreigner.
(d) A local girl.

12. How long did Bryson stay in Kentucky?
(a) Five hours.
(b) Forty minutes.
(c) Two days.
(d) One night.

13. Bryson finds that most items advertised in the New York Times are _____.
(a) Junk.
(b) Expensive.
(c) Fake.
(d) Fancy.

14. In Bryson's road-trip, what does he desire to find?
(a) A better job.
(b) The perfect town.
(c) Inspiration.
(d) His family.

15. What does Bryson believe his grandparents would do while awaiting the family's arrival?
(a) Wait outside the house for them.
(b) Argue.
(c) Knit.
(d) Call all their friends.

Short Answer Questions

1. Why does Bryson miss billboards on the highway?

2. What does Bryson say he, like all midwesterners, love?

3. What would Bryson need in order to bring a souvenir home from Bryson City?

4. What isn't allowed inside of the national park at Smokey Mountain?

5. In Bryson's opinion, what explains the stupidity of students?

(see the answer keys)

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