it.  Well, as we neared his house, he began to fret and take on dreadful oneasy; says he, I hope Jane wont be abed, cause if she is she’ll act ugly, I do suppose.  I had heerd tell of her afore; bow she used to carry a stiff upper lip, and make him and the broomstick well acquainted together; and, says I, why do you put up with her tantrums, I’d make a fair division of the house with her, if it was me, I’d take the inside and allocate her the outside of it pretty quick that’s a fact.  Well, when we came to the house, there was no light in it, and the poor critter looked so streaked and down in the mouth, I felt proper sorry for him.  When he rapped at the door, she called out, who’s there?  Its me, dear, says Porter.  You, is it, said she, then you may stay where you be, them as gave you your supper, may give you your bed, instead of sendin you sneakin home at night like a thief.  Said I, in a whisper, says I, leave her to me, John Porter—­jist take the horses up to the barn, and see after them, and I’ll manage her for you, I’ll make her as sweet as sugary candy, never fear.  The barn you see is a good piece off to the eastward of the house; and, as soon as he was cleverly out of hearin, says I, a imitatin of his voice to the life, do let me in, Jane, says I, that’s a dear critter, I’ve brought you home some things you’ll like, I know.  Well, she was an awful jealous critter; says she, take ’em to her you spent the evenin with, I don’t want you nor your presents neither.  Arter a good deal of coaxin I stood on tother tack, and began to threaten to break the door down; says I, you old unhansum lookin sinner, you vinerger cruet you, open the door this minit or I’ll smash it right in.  That grigged her properly, it made her very wrathy, (for nothin sets up a woman’s spunk like callin her ugly, she gets her back right up like a cat when a strange dog comes near her; she’s all eyes, claws and bristles.)

I heerd her bounce right out of bed, and she came to the door as she was, ondressed, and onbolted it; and, as I entered it, she fetched me a box right across my cheek with the flat of her hand, that made it tingle agin.  I’ll teach you to call names agin, says she, you varmint.  It was jist what I wanted; I pushed the door tu with my foot, and seizing her by the arm with one hand, I quilted her with the horsewhip real handsum, with the other.  At first she roared like mad; I’ll give you the ten commandments, says she, (meaning her ten claws,) I’ll pay you for this, you cowardly villain, to strike a woman.  How dare you lift your hand, John Porter, to your lawful wife, and so on; all the time runnin round and round, like a colt that’s a breakin, with the mouthin bit, rarein, kickin, and plungin like statiee.  Then she began to give in.  Says she, I beg pardon, on my knees I beg pardon—­don’t murder me, for Heaven’s sake—­don’t, dear John, don’t murder your poor wife, that’s a dear.  I’ll do as you bid me, I promise to behave well, upon my honor I do—­oh!