We all wondred, as not doubting what he said, and kissing the table in reverence to him, pray’d the privilege of the night, and that our places might be kept till we returned.

And now we thought the lamps look’d double, and the whole room seem’d quite another thing, when Trimalchio again, “I speak to you Plorimus, won’t you come in for a share?  Will ye entertain us with nothing, thou usedst to be a pleasant companion, couldst sing a song and tell a tale with the best; but alas! alas! the sweetmeats are gone.”  “My horses,” said the other, “ran away with my coach, I have been troubled with the gout ever since.  When I was a young fellow, I sung so long I had well nigh brought my self into a consumption.  What do ye tell me of songs, tales, or barber shops?  Who ever came near me but one, only Apelles;” and with setting his hand to his mouth, whistled out somewhat, I know not what, which afterwards he swore was Greek.  Trimalchio also when he mimicked the trumpets, looked on his minion and called him Croesus:  Yet the boy was blear-eye’d, and swathing up a little black bitch with nasty teeth, and over-grown with fat, in green swadlingclouts, he set half a loaf on the table, which she refusing, he cram’d her with it:  on which Trimalchio commanded the guardian of his house and family, Scylax, to be brought; when presently was led in a beautiful mastiff in a chain, who having a hint given him by a knock of the porter’s foot, lay down before the table:  whereupon Trimalchio throwing him a manchet; “There’s no one,” said he, “in this house of mine, loves me better than this dog.”  The boy taking it in dudgeon that Scylax should be so commended, laid the bitch on the floor, and challenged the dog to have a rubber with him.  On this Scylax, after the manner of dogs, set up such a hideous barking, that it fill’d the room; and snapping at him, almost rent off a brooch that hung on Croesus’s breast; nor did the scuffle end here, for the great candle being overturn’d on the table, broke all the chrystal glasses, and threw the scalding oil on the guests.

Trimalchio, not to seem concerned at the loss, kissed the boy, and commanded him to get on his back; nor was it long e’re he was a cock-horse, and slapping his masters shoulders, and laughing, cry’d out, “Fool, fool, and how many of them have we here?”

Trimalchio thus kept under for a while, commanded a bumper to be fill’d and given round to the waiters, with this further, that whosoever refused it should have it poured down his collar.  Thus one while we were grave, and other while merry.

After this came junkets and made dishes, the very remembrance of which, if I may be believed, will not yet down with me; for there were several cram’d hens given about under the notion of thrushes, and goose eggs with caps upon them; which Trimalchio, nor without ostentation press’d us to eat; adding withal, that their bones were taken out.