I wish I knew some facts regarding
  The private life of Mr. HARDING;
    I wish that I had simply stocks
    Of anecdotes of Mr. COX.

  In U.S.A. (where both are resident
  And each one hoping to be President)
    Their favourite hymns, their size in boots,
    Their views on liquor and cheroots

  Are known to all; not JULIUS CAESAR
  Is quite so much renowned as these are. 
    In England, where they do not dwell,
    No one appears to know them well.

  One cannot say if COX’S liver
  Keeps well upon the Swanee River,
    Nor whether HARDING finds, when glum,
    Any relief in chewing gum.

  It may be that they both have good rows
  Of dental ornaments like WOODROW’S,
    The waist of TAFT, the ROOSEVELT eye
    For pinking hippopotami.

  It may be HARDING had some flickers
  Of CLEVELAND’S spirit whilst in knickers,
    And COX while yet a puling babe
    Dreamed tiny dreams of LINCOLN (ABE);

  And both, although they knew they’d catch it,
  Cut fruit-trees with a little hatchet;
    Both may have been, when glorious youths,
    Too proud to fight or tell untruths.

  I cannot say.  I know they wrangle
  On points I dare not disentangle,
    That one of them’s a Democrat
    And t’ other’s not.  And that is that.

  EVOE.

* * * * *

GEE!

On the upper floors of a shop in the Strand, between Wellington Street and the Savoy, is a well-known maker of fowling-pieces, who gave me a terrible start the other day; and probably not me alone, but many passers-by who chanced to look upwards at his windows.  For he is at the moment advertising the most undesirable article in the world, a commodity for which I can conceive of no demand whatever.  Yet there—­the result of the caprice of adhesive cement or the desire of one letter of the alphabet to get level with its neighbour and be dropped too—­the amazing notice is, in conspicuous white enamel:—­

SECOND HAND
UNS.

* * * * *

THE DOMESTIC PROBLEM SOLVED.

    “A Lady wishes to meet with a gentleman or lady to share her home as
    sole paying guest; one with a hobby for gardening preferred; every home
    comfort; terms, L300 per annum.”—­Sunday Paper.

We are desirous of entertaining, on the same terms, a lady (or gentleman) with a penchant for cooking and washing-up.

* * * * *

“The Hindus and Mahomedans are the two eyes of India, but have long been engaged in a tug-of-war.  On account of this cleavage both have suffered, but now the wall of separation is broken down, and they are coming together like sugar and milk, the bitter feelings between them having been pulled out like a thorn.  They are advised to give up biting each other for the future.”—­Indian Paper.

Or our contemporary will have exhausted its stock of metaphors.