“‘It’s no good talking,’ Theseus said; ’nobody can tell until the morning, and then it’ll be up to Bottom to decide by 11.30 whether it’s to be indoors or out.  He’s our stage-manager and we know his arrangements in case of rain.  They’re the only arrangements possible in our little village, and it’s going to be a nightmare instead of a dream if they have to be carried out.  But we can depend upon Bottom to make a wise decision.  He’ll notify us and the boy-scouts will notify the audience.  All we’ve got to do is not to grouse.’

“Cocklewhite said he would phone me the position of his leech at 9 A.M., and Lysander promised to report any change in the condition of the seaweed.  I set our glass and Titania and I got up at half-hour intervals during the night and tapped it.  It refused to budge either way.

“At dawn Titania looked out of the window and gave a wild cry.  ’Red sky in the morning shepherds’ warning,’ she wailed.  At breakfast Cocklewhite phoned that his leech was dead, and he had strong suspicions it had died from atmospheric pressure.  Almost at the same moment Lysander sent word that his seaweed had gone clammy during the night.  Half-an-hour later came a clap of thunder and the drops of rain I mentioned.  I needn’t go on.  You can guess the rest.”

Melhuish paused.

“But the performance came off, didn’t it?” I said.

“Yes, in the Parish Hall.  It was a perfect day for a pastoral.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Profiteer. “I WANT YOU TO PAINT ME WITH A BOOK IN MY ’AND AND MY VALET STANDIN’ UNOBTRUSIVELY IN THE BACKGROUND IN CASE I MIGHT WISH TO CALL ’IM.”]

* * * * *

A CLEAN HITTER.

    “J. ——­ carried his bath through the innings.”—­Scotch Paper.

* * * * *

    “Fishing near the bridge on Monday a schoolboy caught a chub with
    artificial fly weighing 2lbs. 15ozs.”—­Local Paper.

It is supposed that the unfortunate fish was struck on the head and stunned.

* * * * *

    “After long delays a new Polish Cabinet has been formed under Mr.
    Grabski.  He would annex much Russian territory outright.”—­Weekly
    Paper.

Pace SHAKSPEARE, there would seem to be something in a name.

* * * * *

“THAT QUEER FISH THE SALMON.

    Some fish are ‘takers,’ some are not, but most salmon can be worried
    into talking.”—­Daily Paper.

Whereas most fishermen chatter of their own accord.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Fair Skipper. “WIND GETTIN’ UP NICELY—­WHAT?”]

* * * * *

HARDING AND COX.

(Being an inquiry into the two Candidates for the Presidency of the United States of America.)