tin pail!—­everyone has a spade or a pail at the seaside—­all the latest London successes, from Tosti to “Ta-ra-ra,” accompanied by a strong contingent of the Salvation Army Brass Band!—­and there is a lot of “brass” about the Army still unaccounted for!  What an enervating part of the world this is!  One quite realises what “lotus-eating” means, even though there are no lotuses about!—­(I wonder if that’s the correct plural?—­or is it “Loti”? which looks like French, only wants “PIERRE” as Christian name.  Or if additional “t” introduced, it would be “Lotti,” suggestive of COLLINS’ Ode to Boom, &c.; but I am wandering)—­and it requires enormous energy to do anything more than loll about and bathe; even on the Island of Portland, where the air is rather more invigorating, I am told there are numbers of people who express a strong disinclination to perform any hard labour whatever, in spite of the fact of a short residence there having been recommended as calculated to improve their general “tone”!  I only wish the aforesaid Salvation Army Band would go there on a lengthy visit, as its “tone” leaves much to be desired at present.

I hear that the Brighton Meeting was a great success both in weather and racing; and the present “Horse of the Century,” Buccaneer, fully maintained his reputation, winning his race in what they call “gallant style,” and beating Lady Rosebery—­not, perhaps, a gallant thing to do, but Buccaneers have always been notoriously rough to the sex!

I am afraid thousands of my readers must be getting impatient for more of my excellent prophecies, but I really cannot run the risk of ruining my health by reading the papers when in the country; and, as patience is an admirable virtue, I feel I am doing my duty in encouraging it as much as possible.  So, for yet another cycle of time (poetic, and usefully vague),

I am, Yours, in idleness, LADY GAY.

ODE TO BUCCANEER.

  Sing hey for the life of a Convict Bold! 
    Sing ho for his healthy life! 
  Sing hey for his peaceful days when old,
    Secluded from care and strife!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  A SYMPATHISER.

MASTER TOMMY NEVER MISSES THE AMERICAN NEWS NOW, AS HE IS MUCH
INTERESTED IN THE CASE OF PRIVATE JAMS!!! (Vide Daily Papers.)]

* * * * *

THE DIARY OF AN EXPLORER A LA RUSSE.

Introduction.—­Delighted to have the opportunity of exploring the Ironice Mountains.  Hearing they abound with frozen mud which would be most useful if it could be removed to the plains below without melting.  The watercress plant too might be grown on the summit, if it is practicable to take up orchid-forcing houses.  Ought to get the Gold Medal of the Geographical Society if I open out this region that will be fraught with such blessings to commerce.  So far as I can judge, it will only be necessary to take twenty batteries of Artillery, a dozen squadrons of Cavalry, and (say) sixteen battalions of Infantry.  And I think we might as well take a Naturalist.