And they must think me very queer,
    Each unennobled guest: 
  I munch my chop, I quaff my beer
    At meal-times unrepressed,
  I laugh a laughter rude and loud;
    My little jokes I crack;
  The parlour-maid with mirth is bowed—­
    Oh, bring my Butler back!

  Yes! bring that paragon to me—­
    ’Tis true he drank my wine;
  But, as I found it disagree,
    I don’t so much repine: 
  ’Tis true we missed a little plate
    When he gave us the sack. 
  But “all things come to them that wait”—­
    Oh, bring my Butler back!

  That gorgeous grace, that smile severe,
    That look of Lords and Barts,
  These are the charms that most endear
    His image to our hearts. 
  The standard of my broken life
    With him has gone to rack,
  And, if it were not for my wife,
    I’d bring my Butler back!

* * * * *

FINE, OR REFINE?

    [An Educational Journal recently suggested the formation of
    a “Guild of Courtesy,” with especial view to refining the
    manners and language of the youth of the working classes.]

  Hail, noble Guild!  By all means drive
    Expletives from our highways;
  They are the ruin of our roads,
    The byword of our byways!

  And rowdies too—­to teach them grace
    A philanthropic art is;
  These subjects for the Guild may well
    Be called the “Guildy parties”!

  The lumbering horse-play of the streets,
    Can we its spirits soothe? 
  Will blarneying do?  Or can “the Rough”
    Be “taken with the smooth”?

  And there’s the working girl:  can we
    From yells and rompings wean her? 
  For the demeanour of a Miss
    Is oft a mis-demeanour.

  O worthy Guildsmen!  Take in hand
    All ages and all classes! 
  Show how to hearts Good Manners’ arts
    Supply the freest passes.

  Do not such terms as these of hope
    Your undertaking rob—­
  The “common people”—­“lower class,”
    “The vulgar,” and “the mob”?

  And there’s our worship of the purse;
    ’Gainst it pray have a tilt
  Oh, gild our manners!  But take care
    They are not silver-gilt!

* * * * *

ALL AT SEA.—­The KAISER is reported to be so delighted with his visit to the Isle of Wight, that he proposes to repeat the journey next year.  Fond of military display, if he goes to Hyde he will be appropriately accompanied by an escort of German Mounted Marines.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  INTERNATIONAL AMENITIES.

Count Peter van Strubel (just arrived in England, in time for Her Grace’s Concert).  “ACH!  TOTCHESS!  HOW IS IT ZAT IN ENKLAND YOUR LATIES ARE ZOH PEAUDIFUL, AND YOUR CHENDLEMEN ZOH OCKLY?”