“SOLLY (of Hatfield), and SMIFF (who hails from Greenlands), started yesterday (November 25), for a second attempt—­the first having been a failure—­to swim from Tithes Pier to Purchase Point Buoy.  It was an unfavourable time of the year for such an unprecedented feat of natation, but the Hatfield Champion was confident of success.  He is a perfect whale at long-distance immersions, and has been heard to talk of ‘twenty years of resolute’ swimming against stream as a comparative trifle.  His ‘pal and pardner,’ SMIFF—­more commonly known as the Sanguine Old ’Un—­was equally confident.  Two boats accompanied the Champion, in one of which was his trusty Pilot, SMIFF, and in the other a Party of their ‘Mutual Friends.’  One thing, indeed, was in the Hatfield man’s favour; his lately cocky and contemptuous competitors had been ‘weeded out’ by a fortuitous series of adverse circumstances, including what SOLLY, in a spirit of cynical but excusable elation, subsequently called ‘that beneficent disease, the Influenza.’  The Irish Contingent, which not long ago looked dangerous, had become so thoroughly demoralised by mutual hostilities and disputes between them and their backers, that there was not a single ‘Paddy’ prepared to enter the water when the signal ‘gun’ fired for the start.  SOLLY, therefore, had it all to himself; the performance practically resolves itself into a trial of his skill and endurance, and the ’Scythe Bearer’ is the only enemy against whom the Great Swimmer has to measure himself.  Indeed, he covered what may be called the first stage of his long journey with ease, and in an unexpectedly short time.  Nevertheless, it is to be feared that ‘later on’ he will have to contend against cold, little or no sun, northerly breezes, &c.; the ‘flowing tide’ will assuredly not always be with him, and before he gets to the end of his briny journey, even the Hatfield Wonder will probably have ‘had enough of it.’”

  True prognostication!  But skilful natation
    Despite some “anxiety” and much “fatigue,”
  Has “pulled SOLLY through” to his “pardner’s elation.” 
    Together they’ve plodded o’er many a league
  Of big tumbling billows.  See those in the rear! 
  They were ridden with skill, though regarded with fear.

  “The flowing tide” fails him, but side-stroke and breast-stroke
    Alternately serve him; fatigued but unhurt,
  Like CAESAR, he swims.  “Now mate, put on your best stroke!”
    Sings out faithful SMIFFY, his pilot.  “One spurt,
  My SOL!  Two or three more strong strokes and ’tis done;
  Our Long Swim, for the Buoy is at hand, and we’ve won!”

* * * * *

OPERATIC BIRDS.—­M.  MAUREL can sing but didn’t wish to sing in Mr. ISIDORE DE TRA-LA-LARA’s new Opera, The Light of Asia.  Where was TRA-LA-LARA when The Light of Asia didn’t come out?  M. MAUREL seems to have said, that, if the Opera were produced this season, he’d be blowed if he sang, and the Opera would probably be damned, theatrically and operatically speaking.  That’s the Moral or MAUREL of the story. The Light of Asia mustn’t be snuffed out altogether, but it may want trimming a bit, in order to shine as brightly as TRA-LA-LARA expects it to do next season.  There’s a good time coming, and good tunes too, we hope.