A Niece (to an Impenetrable Relative—­whom she plants, like a heavy piece of ordnance, in front of a particular canvas).  There, Aunt, what do you think of that now?

The Aunt (after solemnly staring at it with a conscientious effort to take it in.) Well, my dear, I must say it—­it’s very ’ighly varnished. [She is taken home as hopeless.

* * * * *

COURT CARDS.

A splendid hand is just now held by Mr. ARTHUR CHUDLEIGH, Sole Lessee and Manager of the Court Theatre.  Full of trumps, honours and odd tricks.  A perfect entertainment in three pieces.  You pay your money and you take your choice.  You can come in at 8:15 and see The New Sub, by SEYMOUR HICKS (Brayvo, ’ICKS! and may your success be Hickstraordinary!) or at 9:15 for W.S.  GILBERT’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, or at 10 for A Pantomime Rehearsal, which, as I remarked long ago on seeing it for the first time, might last for ever if only judiciously refreshed, say once in every three months, and on this plan it might continue until it should be played in 1992 by the great-great-grandchildren of the members of the present company.

There is one charming line in the bill—­a bill which, on account of its colour, must be “taken as red”—­not to be missed by visitors.  It comes immediately after the cast of The New Sub; it is this,—­“The Uniforms by Messrs. Nathan, Coventry Street.”  It has a line all to itself, which is, most appropriately, “a thin red line.”  Now the officers in the programme are given as belonging to the “_——­shire Regiment_” i.e., Blankshire Regiment, but as they are all wearing the Nathan uniform, why not describe them as officers of the Nathanshire Regiment?  Perhaps such a title might be more suggestive of Sheriff’s Officers than of those belonging to Her Majesty’s Army; yet, as these gallant Dramatis Personae are avowedly wearing NATHAN’s uniform (which may they never, never disgrace!) why should they not bear the proud title of “The First Royal Coventry Street Costumiers”?  Let those most concerned see to it:  our advice is gratis, and, at that price, valuable.

[Illustration:  TWO TRUMPS.

Brandon Thomas plays the King.  Gertrude Queen-and-Kingston.]

9:15. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.  Excellent piece of genuine fun.  If Mr. W.S.  GILBERT could be induced to add to it, I am sure it would stand an extension of ten minutes to allow Hamlet to return and have a grand combat with the King, and then for all the characters to be poisoned by mistake, and so to end happily.