Judge.  ’We ar-re goin’ to prove that at th’ time he committed this crime he was insane,’ says th’ lawyer.  ‘I object,’ says th’ State’s attorney.  ’It is not legal to inthrajooce evidence iv insanity till th’ proper foundations is established.  Th’ defince must prove that th’ pris’ner has money.  How do we know he isn’t broke like th’ rest iv us?’ Th’ coort:  ’How much money have ye got?’ The pris’ner:  ‘Two millyon dollars, but I expect more.’  Th’ coort:  ‘Objection overruled.’

“Th’ expert is called.  ‘Doctor, what expeeryence have ye had among th’ head cures?’ ‘I have been f’r forty years in an asylum.’  ’As guest or landlord?’ ‘As both.’  ’Now, doctor, I will ask you a question.  Supposin’ this pris’ner to be a man with a whole lot iv money, an’ supposin’ he wint to this house on th’ night in question, an’ suppose it was snowin’, an’ suppose it wasn’t, an’ suppose he turned fr’m th’ right hand corner to th’ left goin’ upstairs, an’ supposin’ he wore a plug hat an’ a pair iv skates, an’ supposin’ th’ next day was Winsday—­’ ’I objict,’ says th’ State’s attorney.  ‘Th’ statues, with which me larned frind is no doubt familiar, though I be darned if he shows it, f’rbids th’ mention iv th’ days iv th’ week.’  ‘Scratch out Winsday an’ substichoot four o’clock in Janooary,’ says th’ coort.  ’Now, how does th’ sentence r-read?’ ‘Th’ next day was four o’clock in Janooary—­an’ supposin’ th’ amount iv money, an’ supposin’ ye haven’t got a very large salary holdin’ th’ chair iv conniption fits at th’ college, an’ supposin’ ye don’t get a cent onless ye answer r-right, I ask ye, on th’ night in question whin th’ pris’ner grabbed th’ clock, was he or was he not funny at th’ roof?’ ‘I objict to th’ form iv question,’ says th’ State’s attorney.  ‘In th’ eighth sintince I move to sthrike out th’ wurrud and as unconstitutional, unprofissyonal, an’ conthry to th’ laws iv evidence.’  ‘My Gawd, has my clint no rights in this coort?’ says th’ other lawyer.  ‘Ye bet he has,’ says th’ coort.  ’We’ll sthrike out th’ wurrud and but well substichoot th’ more proper wurrud “aloofness.”

“‘Did ye see th’ pris’ner afther his arrest?’ ‘I did.’  ‘Where?’ ‘In th’ pa-apers.’  ‘What was he doin’?’ ‘His back was tur-rned.’  ’What did that indicate to ye?’ ‘That he had been sufferin’ fr’m a variety iv tomaine excelsis—­’ ‘Greek wurruds,’ says th’ coort.  ‘Latin an’ Greek,’ says th’ expert.  ‘Pro-ceed,’ says th’ coort.  ‘I come to th’ conclusion,’ says th’ expert, ‘that th’ man, when he hooked th’ watch, was sufferin’ fr’m a sudden tempest in his head, a sudden explosion as it were, a sudden I don’t know-what-th’-divvle-it-was, that kind iv wint off in his chimbley, like a storm at sea.’  ‘Was he in anny way bug befure th’ crime?’ ’Not a bit.  He suffered fr’m warts whin a boy, which sometimes leads to bozimbral hoptocollographophiloplutomania, or what th’ Germans call tantrums, but me gin’ral con-clusion was that he was perfectly sane all his life till this minnyit, an’ that so much sanity wint to his head an’ blew th’ cover off.’