“But, bein’ an American citizen, he soon felt as sure iv himsilf as though he’d got it all in th’ Probate Coort, an’ th’ arly Spring saw him on a private car speedin’ to New York, th’ home iv Mirth.  He was received with open ar-rms be ivry wan in that gr-reat city that knew the combynation iv a safe.  He was taken f’r yacht rides be his fellow Kings iv Fi-nance.  He was th’ principal guest iv honor at a modest but tasteful dinner, where there was a large artificyal lake iv champagne into which th’ comp’ny cud dive.  In th’ on’y part iv New York ye iver read about—­ar-re there no churches or homes in New York, but on’y hotels, night resthrants, an’ poolrooms?—­in th’ on’y part iv New York ye read about he cud be seen anny night sittin’ where th’ lights cud fall on his bald but youthful head.

“An’ how was it all this time in dear old Mud Center?  It is painful to say that th’ lady to whom our frind was tied f’r life had not kept pace with him.  She had taught him to r-read, but he had gone on an’ taken what Hogan calls th’ postgrajate coorse.  Women get all their book larnin’ befure marredge, men afther.  She’d been pretty active about th’ childher while he was pickin’ up more iddycation in th’ way iv business thin she’d iver dhream iv knowin’.  She had th’ latest news about th’ throuble in th’ Methodist Church, but he had a private wire into his office.

“A life spint in nourishin’ th’ young, Hinnissy, while fine to read about, isn’t anny kind iv a beauty restorer, an’ I’ve got to tell ye that th’ lady prob’bly looked diff’rent fr’m th’ gazelle he use to whistle three times f’r whin he wint by on Number Iliven.  It’s no aisy thing to rock th’ cradle with wan hand an’ ondylate th’ hair with another.  Be th’ time he was gettin’ into th’ upper classes in New York she was slowin’ down aven f’r Mud Center.  Their tastes was decidedly dissimilar, says th’ pa-aper.  Time was whin he carrid th’ wash pitcher down to th’ corner f’r a quart iv malt, while she dandled th’ baby an’ fried th’ round steak at th’ same time.  That day was past.  She hadn’t got to th’ pint where she cud dhrink champagne an’ keep it out iv her nose.  Th’ passin’ years had impaired all possible foundations f’r a new crop iv hair.  Sometimes conversation lagged.

“Mud Center is a long way fr’m th’ Casino.  Th’ last successful exthravaganza that th’ lady had seen was a lecture be Jawn B. Gough.  She got her Eyetalian opry out iv a music box.  What was there f’r this joynt intelleck an’ this household tyrant to talk about?  No wondher he pined.  Think iv this Light iv th’ Tendherloin bein’ compelled to set down ivry month or two an’ chat about a new tooth that Hiven had just sint to a fam’ly up th’ sthreet!  Nor was that all.  She give him no rest.  Time an’ time again she asked him was he comin’ home that night.  She tortured his proud spirit be recallin’ th’ time whin she used to flag him fr’m th’ window iv th’ room where Papa had locked her in.