“At laste I thought it was but Hannigan that come over in it says it’s a boat.  ‘Ye must’ve had a grand time,’ says I, ‘in this floatin’ palace, atin’ ye’er fill iv sumchuse food an’ gazin’ at th’ beautifully jooled ladies,’ says I.  ‘Ah,’ says I, ‘th’ wondhers iv science that cud put together a conthrivance th’ like iv that,’ says I.  ‘It’s a boat,’ says he.  ‘That’s th’ best I can say about it,’ says he.  ’Did ye not glide noiselessly through th’ wather?’ says I?  ‘I did not,’ says he.  ’Divvle th’ glide.  We bumped along pretty fast an’ th’ injines made noises like injines an’ th’ ship creaked like anny ship.’  ‘An’ wasn’t th’ food fine?’ ‘It depinded on th’ weather.  There was plenty iv it on good days, an’ too much iv it on other days.’  ‘An’ th’ beautifully jooled ladies?’ ‘No wan knew whether th’ ladies were beautifully jooled except th’ lady that searched thim at th’ custom house.

“‘Don’t ye make a mistake, Dooley,’ says he.  ’A boat’s a boat.  That’s all it is.  Annything ye can get at sea ye can get betther on land.  A millyonaire is made as comfortable on an ocean liner as a longshoreman on earth an’ ye can play that comparison all th’ way down to th’ steerage.  Whin I read about this here floatin’ palace I says to mesilf:  I’ll add a little money and go acrost in oryental luxury.  Whin I got aboord th’ decks were crowded with happy people worryin’ about their baggage an’ wondherin’ already whether th’ inspector in New York wud get onto th’ false bottom iv th’ thrunks.  I give th’ old an’ enfeebled English gintleman that carried me satchel a piece iv silver.  He touched his cap to me an’ says Cue.  Cue is th’ English f’r I thank ye kindly in Irish.  He carrid me bag downstairs in th’ ship.  We kept goin’ down an’ down till we touched bottom, thin we rambled through long lanes neatly decorated with steel girders till we come to a dent in th’ keel.  That was me boodoor.  At laste part iv it was.  There were two handsome berths in it an’ I had th’ top wan.  Th’ lower wan was already occypied be a gintleman that had started to feel onaisy on th’ way down f’m London an’ was now prepared f’r th’ worst.  I left him to his grief an’ wint up on th’ roof iv th’ ship.

“‘It was a gay scene f’r th’ boat had started.  Long rows iv ladies were stretched on invalid chairs with shawls over thim, pretindin’ to read an’ takin’ deep smells at little green bottles.  Three or four hundherd men had begun to walk around th’ ship with their hands folded behind thim.  A poker game between four rale poker players an’ a man that didn’t know th’ game but had sharp finger-nails was already started in th’ smokin’-room.  About that time I begun to have a quare sinsation.  I haven’t been able to find out yet what it was.  I must ask Dock O’Leary.  I wasn’t sea-sick, mind ye.  I’m a good sailor.  But I had a funny feelin’ in me forehead between me eyes.  It wasn’t a headache exactly but a kind iv a sthrange sinsation like I used to have whin I was a boy an’ thried to look cross-eyed.