I never lost a picayune by it in my life.  Being a scarce commodity among candidates, I thought I would mention it, for fear if I did not, you never would hear it.  Candidates are generally considered as nuisances, but they are not; they are the politest men in the world, shake you by the hand, ask how’s your family, what’s the prospect for crops, &c.—­and I am the politest man in the state.  Davy Crockett says the politest man he ever saw, when he asked a man to drink, turned his back so that he might drink as much as he pleased.  I beat that all hollow:  I give a man a chance to drink twice if he wishes, for I not only turn my back, but shut my eyes!  I am not only the politest man, but the best electioneerer:  you ought to see me shaking hands with the vibrations, the pump-handle and pendulum, the cross-cut and wiggle-waggle.  I understand the science perfectly, and if any of the country candidates wish instructions, they must call upon me.  Fellow-citizens, I was born—­if I hadn’t been I wouldn’t have been a candidate; but I am going to tell you where:  ’twas in Mississippi, but ’twas on the right side of the negro line; yet that is no compliment, as the negroes are mostly born on the same side.  I started in the world as poor as a church-mouse, yet I came honestly by my poverty, for I inherited it; and if I did start poor, no man can say but that I have held my own remarkably well.  Candidates generally tell you—­if you think they are qualified, &c.  Now, I don’t ask your thoughts, I ask your votes.  Why, there is nothing to think of except to watch and see that Swan’s name is not on the ticket; if so, think to scratch it off and put mine on.  I am certain that I am competent, for who ought to know better than I do?  Nobody.  I will allow that Swan is the best auditor in the state; that is, till I am elected:  then perhaps it’s not proper for me to say anything more.  Yet, as an honest man, I am bound to say that I believe it’s a grievous sin to hide anything from my fellow-citizens; therefore say that it’s my private opinion, publicly expressed, that I’ll make the best auditor ever in the United States.  ’Tis not for honour I wish to be auditor; for in my own county I was offered an office that was all honour—­coroner, which I respectfully declined.  The auditor’s office is worth some 5000 dollars a year, and I am in for it like a thousand of brick.  To shew my goodness of heart, I’ll make this offer to my competitor.  I’m sure of being elected, and he will lose something by the canvass, therefore I am willing to divide equally with him, and make these offers:  I’ll take the salary, and he may have the honour, or he may have the honour, and I’ll take the salary.

In the way of honours, I have received enough to satisfy me for life.  I went out to Mexico, ate pork and beans, slept in the rain and mud, and swallowed everything but live Mexicans.  When I was ordered to go, I went; ‘charge,’ I charged; and ’break for the chaperel’—­you had better believe I beat a quarter nag in doing my duty.